


When You Lay Alone, I Ache

by parkseonghwa



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Member Death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kid Fic, M/M, Single Parent Hongjoong, Strangers to roommates to lovers, Writer Seonghwa, i promise it's not any of the boys, kind of hgkdfhdk, strangers to enemies to friends to lovers, will san ever rid himself of that trope? probably not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-06-29 22:31:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19839853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkseonghwa/pseuds/parkseonghwa
Summary: "Seonghwa tells him about how Hongjoong arrived at his door with a damp Junyoung in his arms and demanded entry into his apartment. He tells him how Hongjoong fainted in his living room. About how the child was perfectly fine for him and didn’t do more than whimper when it was just the two of them. How he thinks Hongjoong is somehow a trigger for him. Seonghwa tells him how that tiny human climbed into bed with him when he got scared being alone in the morning and how they went to the coffee shop in the morning to get food and how Hongjoong flipped the fuck out when they got home."orHongjoong is suddenly raising a child. Before you ask, no, he absolutely does not need any help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i know i still have [check this contour](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18949597) to update but when inspiration hits for something new, i have to do it. the good thing is that this one is completely plotted out, and the second chapter is already halfway done. updates might be slow, but i promise i will be updating this. i'm not sure how long it will be just yet, but i'm very excited about letting you all read this. it's something i love a lot and have been working very hard on. enjoy.
> 
> title is from joji's sanctuary.
> 
> there's a [pinterest board ](https://www.pinterest.com/dillxnpickles/sanctuary-hongjoong-%2B-seonghwa/)too, if you like visuals.

The new kid who moved in next door has a baby who won’t stop fucking screaming and Seonghwa wants to rip his own hair out. He thinks back to the teacher he had in third grade that used to scratch her nails against the chalkboard to get the kids' attention when they were being too rowdy and decides that this is worse.

It has been four days of non-stop wailing. The only peace he gets is when the kid is probably eating or finally exhausted himself to the point of passing out. It’s pushing 2 in the morning on a Monday when Seonghwa has to be in the office to meet his editor for 7 which means his alarm is going to go off in 4 hours. He’s surprised that he never got his midnight call from Yeosang who lives on the other side of the neighbor between them.

He met the man in the hallway five nights ago when they were just moving all their stuff until the next day when they’d bring their beds with them and officially be Seonghwa’s worst nightmare.

It was a brief exchange at that point. A man with a mop of red hair that looked like it was starting to fade walked up the stairs while holding a darker haired toddler in one arm who couldn’t be older than four years old. At that point, he was already sniffling in the older boy’s arm, face buried in his shoulder. There was a brief pause in his steps when he spotted Seonghwa looking at him from where he was bending to pick up the groceries he had dropped outside his door.

Seonghwa give a little wave to him, and the other boy waved back with the hand that’s not full of child and a set of keys jingled from his palm.

“Are you moving in here?” Seonghwa asked, standing straight, eyes lingering on the squirming baby. The man, a term he used very lightly on the person before him, didn't look old enough to have a baby. Especially not one that looked big enough to be considered a toddler. He had no room to judge, but the boy had to be younger than Seonghwa and he himself was definitely not ready for a child.

“Yeah,” He responded, country accent coloring his tone, and the kid on his arm whined louder, “This whiny thing is Junyoung. I’m Hongjoong.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Seonghwa,” He said, “On the other side of you is my friend Yeosang. Feel free to come see either of us if you need anything.”

“Sure,” The man—Hongjoong—said, pulling out his phone and pressing a few buttons on the keypad before the door clicked open, “Thanks.” And then he was gone. He hasn’t seen him or the child since then, but he’s heard him every night through the paper thin walls of their small condo building at the edge of Seoul.

Seonghwa is seriously contemplating murder when he thinks he hears a knock at his door. He bolts upright in bed to listen over the screaming and— it’s there, louder and more frantic this time. He jumps up, wondering if Yeosang  _ actually  _ murdered their neighbor, but couldn’t bring himself to kill the crying baby.

But, when the door opens it’s not Yeosang, it’s the neighbor he thought was dead and a screaming child in his arms who’s clinging to Hongjoong like his life depends on it.

“Uh,” Seonghwa says eloquently.

“I’m really really sorry, but I need to use your bathroom,” Hongjoong says, not waiting for an answer and pushing his way past him with his shoulder.

Seonghwa is baffled for a moment, not sure if he should just let it happen or call the cops on a man who just forced his way into Seonghwa’s home. He decides on the former and trails after him a few moments later.

“You can’t just come into someone else’s home like this, you know,” Seonghwa says, leaning against the door jam of the bathroom while the other boy sits on his closed toilet and shoots him a glare.

“Do you actually think I would be doing this if I had any other choice?” He retorts, rubbing the child’s back in an effort to console him.

He thinks he hears a muffled “Sorry” come from Hongjoong’s shoulder and it’s confirmed when Hongjoong himself replies, “Hey, it’s okay. Not your fault, Junnie. You have to take a bath though, okay?”

The boy whispers something and Hongjoong turns to look at him again, expression apologetic this time instead of vaguely annoyed. “I’m really sorry, but can you leave? I have to undress him and he’s shy with strangers.”

Seonghwa scoffs at him, but walks out into the hallway regardless, pulling the door shut behind him.

He goes to sit on the couch and flips the tv on, though he’s not paying any attention to it. Who does this guy think he is? He forces his way into Seonghwa’s home and then has the audacity to ask him to leave his own bathroom.

When Hongjoong comes out of the bathroom alone ten minutes later, all the words Seonghwa wanted to spew at him die on his tongue.

He’s crying. Silently, but there’s still wetness on his cheeks.

“Why did you have a kid when you can’t take care of him?” Seonghwa asks, the words tumbling out before he can think to swallow them back in. It’s something he’s been curious about since the first night he heard Junyoung screaming through the walls. Hongjoong doesn’t seem to be able to console the child with him, despite him never wanting to be let go.

Hongjoong mumbles something that Seonghwa doesn’t catch. “What?”

“I said he’s not mine. I mean, he is, but I didn’t have him,” He takes a deep breath, wiping at freshly falling tears, “He’s my little brother.” And, that just leaves Seonghwa with more questions that he definitely can’t ask.

Where are his parents? Did they die? Why is the man standing in front of him who can’t be older that twenty-one, now in charge of another child? Don’t they have aunts, uncles, grandparents who could take them both in?

He realizes he hasn’t responded for a beat too long when Hongjoong says, “I’m really sorry for barging into your home like this. It’s not something I normally do or plan to do again, but I haven’t found a job yet and last weeks groceries was the last of the money my parents left us and it was money I had been  _ saving _ and I never had the money to turn the heat on to begin with but he had a nightmare and wet himself so he needed to clean up and I’ve gotten three hours of sleep in the past five days and Jun won’t stop crying and I get that he’s grieving, but I am too.” Hongjoong’s voice cracks on the last word and Seonghwa jumps up fast enough to catch him right before his knees are about to hit the floor.

He wonders what exactly he’s gotten himself into as he picked the boy up, weighing frighteningly less than he should, and laid him on the couch. He throws a blanket over him and is just looking until he hears a soft “Hyung?” from the bathroom. Seonghwa had completely forgot there was still a toddler in his tub.

He walks over to the door and hesitates before saying, “Um, bud, your brother fell asleep and I don’t want to wake him. He needs to rest. Do you mind if I come in?”

The last thing he wants to do is frighten him, so he waits outside the door until he gets an answer. After a minute or two he hears, “You can come in.”

Seonghwa pushes the door open slowly, only peeking his head in first to look at the child. “You sure?” He gets frantic nodding.

“It’s cold,” The boy says, shivering in the water. Seonghwa grabs the towel hanging on the back of the door and pulls the boy out, unplugging the drain. “Hyung’s sleepin’?” He asks as Seonghwa dries him off.

“Yeah, he, uh, was really tired so he’s taking a nap right now.”

He looks up to see the boy crying again and is startled. “Hey, hey,” He pulls him in for a hug, “What’s the matter?”

“It’s  _ my _ fault he's tired,” He mutters into Seonghwa’s shoulder and he's startled that this small boy has such negative thoughts of himself. 

“No, no, it’s not,” He tries to sooth, running a hand over his back. “Let’s go, buddy,” He says, hoisting him up into his arms and walking to the small bedroom across from his own, “My nephew sleeps here sometimes. He’s a little bit older than you, but let’s see if you fit into some of his old clothes, okay?”

He doesn’t expect an answer as he places him gently on the bed where the boy just watches him rummage around the room. His older brother sometimes brought his nephew so Seonghwa could baby sit. It's also the room Yunho tended to stay in when he visited for a weekend, long legs draped over the edge of a bed too small for a grown man.

Inside the top drawer of the dresser is all his nephews clothes. He's small for a six year old so He thinks the clothes might be okay for Junyoung. Thankfully, there's an unopened package of underwear in the drawer. He pulls out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt as well. After dressing Junyoung, he takes a good look at him. The clothes are a little big, but it’ll have to do for now. Maybe he should buy a spare just in case, but pushes the thought from his mind. This is a one time thing, he can’t get attached to the kid or his mildly attractive older brother.

“I’m tired,” Junyoung mumbles, immediately yawning after he gets the words out. Seonghwa reaches out to ruffle his hair.

“You can sleep here, kiddo. I’m in the room right across the hall if you need anything, okay? We should let Hongjoong sleep.”

Junyoung just nods and pulls the covers back, sliding under them easily.

“Goodnight, bud,” Seonghwa says, turning off the lights and leaving the door open.

Seonghwa thinks he hears a soft, “Night, hyung,” before he walks out and his heart melts.

☕️

The next morning, Seonghwa wakes up to small sniffles and his eyes blink a few times before focusing on the child in front of him.

“Jun?" The nickname sips out, "What’s wrong?” He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and realizes the sun isn't even fully out yet, the room painted a hue of blue that only happens in the early hours of the morning.

“Too early. Don’t wanna wake up hyung. Can I sleep in here?” He asks, wiping tears out of his eyes.

“Yeah, sure, bud,” Seonghwa says, reaching out to pick up the boy and put him on the bed. He collects his mind for a moment to text Yeosang that he won't be going to the office in the morning and shut off his alarm that was set to go off in an hour and a half. Once he's settled, Junyoung curls into his side, the boys head near his chest, and Seonghwa feels his heart thaw a little bit more. It was a little odd to have this kid he barely knew cuddle up to him in his bed, but he took it in stride. He didn’t want to upset him any more than he already had been.

“Think you can fall back asleep?” Seonghwa mutters, his own eyes already fluttering closed again. He feels a shuffle on his chest; Junyoung nodding yes. He feels himself drift off again and doesn’t wake for another few hours.

Cartoons are on the TV when his eyes open for the second time, the sun pouring in from his bedside where it's close to blinding him. He rolls over and sees Junyoung gazing at the screen and another piece inside him softens. He wonders how long it's going to take before he's attached, if he's not already.

“Is your brother awake yet?” He asks, softly to not startle the boy.

Junyoung's face shifts toward him with a frown. “No.”

Seonghwa just nods. Hongjoong must be exhausted after not even being able to peacefully mourn his parents now that he had a whole other growing human that depended on him. Hongjoong hadn't been out that long, but it wasn't like the boy fell asleep. He passed out right in front of Seonghwa's own eyes.

“You want go out to get some breakfast? We can bring some back for you brother and wake him after,” Seonghwa says with an easy smile.

The boy just stares at him and nods. Seonghwa lets him watch his show for a little longer while he gets changed himself, throwing on a pair of sweats and a matching sweatshirt. Summer was ending and the mornings were getting chillier. He walks across the hall and hears a thump followed by a paddling of feet behind him. He shuffles through his nephew’s clothes, pulling out some jeans and a sweater.

“Can you change by yourself?” Seonghwa asks, knowing he’s followed him into the room without looking back at him.

“I can,” He says, grabbing the clothes with a glare, “I’m big.”

Seonghwa nods along even though he’s not sure he would classify being four years old as  _ big _ .

“I’m going to brush my teeth, come to the bathroom when you’re done, okay?” He says, waiting for him to nod and closing the door behind him. When walking into the bathroom, he spots Junyoung’s damp clothes on the floor and drops them into the wash with some of his own clothes.

There’s a light rap on the door and Seonghwa opens it to find Junyoung swallowed in the sweater he gave to him. He chuckles and kneels down to roll up his sleeves and tuck the front of it into his pants before placing him on the toilet. He opens a new pack of toothbrushes, puts paste on it and hands it to the small boy who immediately starts scrubbing his teeth while Seonghwa puts the shoes he came over with on him.

It’s an easy and painless process. He wonders why the kid is constantly crying when he's with Hongjoong. There hasn’t been many times that he hasn’t heard him crying when he was next door, but with Seonghwa… He hasn’t cried much other than early in the morning when he woke up alone and wanted to sleep in Seonghwa’s bed.

Seonghwa doesn’t understand, but he’s not going to start complaining now.

When they’re both finished getting ready, he holds his hand and takes him into the living room. Seonghwa scribbles a note on a sticky pad that says, “Taking Jun to breakfast. We’ll bring something back for you,” just in case he wakes up and presses it lightly to his bangs that are hanging messily in front of his face.

He feels a pull at his pant leg and looks down to see fat tears rolling down Junyoung’s face. Seonghwa picks him up and props him on his hip, wiping at the tears that are falling in streams. “What’s the matter, bud?” He whispers, not wanting to wake Hongjoong.

“Is Hyung gonna be okay? Will he wake up soon?” Seonghwa realizes that Junyoung must be terrified of losing another person in his life and this is probably the most Hongjoong has slept in a long time.

Seonghwa grabs his wallet off the back of the couch and heads out. “He’s going to be just fine,” He says, rubbing his free hand over his back, “He’s just really tired right now, but he’s going to be okay soon. And, we’re going to bring him back something yummy to eat, right?” Junyoung nods. “So, he’ll be even better after he eats something too. Do you know what he likes for food?”

Junyoung seems to ponder for a moment as Seonghwa walks. They live in a pretty populated area of the town so there are quite a few places to eat within walking distance of their condo. He’s headed in the direction of a coffee shop first.

“Egg toast, I think,” Junyoung says when they’re nearly there, “M-mom used to make us egg toast on school days.” He finishes in a whisper and his eyes are glossy.

“Egg toast it is!” Seonghwa says cheerfully, jostling the boy in his arms.

He pushes the door open to the shop, Deja Brew, and prompts Junyoung to say good morning to the man behind the counter. It takes him a moment but eventually he gets out a soft, “Morning,” and Seonghwa beams.

San smiles back at the boy even though his eyes say he has questions to ask Seonghwa. Seonghwa just shakes his head once at him and San’s eyes go back to the boy in his arms, “What can I get for you, little man?”

“I’m big,” Is all he says in return and San laughs.

“Sorry, _big_ man. Do you know what you want?” He asks. “We have some pastries down the bottom, if you want. Muffins and choco bread too.”

Junyoung just shakes his head. “Hyung likes egg toast,” He says with a firm nod of his head.

“I know you don’t really do it, but you must have eggs and bread in the back. Can you make it? I’ll cover for you if a customer comes in,” Seonghwa pleads with a lopsided smile.

“Sure, but only because this means you owe me a favor and I have  _ lots _ of questions that I demand be answered,” San says, eyes narrowed.

“Me and you both,” Seonghwa mutters, taking the black apron from him and seating Junyoung at a table where he can keep his eyes on him. He gives him a coloring book and some crayons that San keeps in the shop and heads behind the counter.

Seonghwa has had coffee from this coffee shop every morning for the better part of the last three years, wether he himself comes to get it or Yeosang brings it to him. In that time period he has grown close to San, to the point that they’ve hung out outside of the coffee shop and do movie nights with San’s boyfriend, Wooyoung, and Yeosang every once in awhile. Plus Yunho, whenever he’s in town.

It takes San less than ten minutes to finish making three egg toasts and Seonghwa only ends up taking about six customers while watching Junyoung. He thanks San profusely, paying him more than necessary which earns him a glare from the younger man, but Seonghwa is out the door with Junyoung’s hand in his before he can protest.

“You think you can walk all the way home?” Seonghwa asks, worrying about being able to carry him and the food at the same time without dropping one of them.

“Uh-huh,” Is all he gets in reply, swinging Seonghwa’s arm and he thinks it might be the most cheerful he’s ever seen him.

It all goes to shit when they arrive back at Seonghwa’s appartment, hearing Hongjoong before they even open the door.

“Junyoung?!” He’s yelling, over and over, slamming doors, Junyoung turns to look at Seonghwa just as the front door swings open.

Hongjoong’s hair is flat on one side and sticking up on the other, his eyes wide and blood shot as he looks between Seonghwa and Junyoung. He pulls Junyoung roughly by the arm, who whines at the rough contact, and kneels down to pull him into a crushing hug. “Where the fuck were you?” He asks, glaring over the toddlers shoulder at Seonghwa who holds up the bag of food in his hand.

“We went to get breakfast for y–”

“You can’t just fucking take someone else’s kid without warning. How the fuck was I supposed to know where either of you were? What if you hurt him? What if you took him?” Hongjoong is yelling, eyes hard and filled with angry tears that are threatening to spill over.

But, now it’s Seonghwa’s turn to be angry. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? You barged into my home, used my bathroom, literally fucking _fainted_ in front of me, passed out on my couch for hours, and I took care of the fucking kid. Got him out of the bath, put him to bed, let him sleep in my bed when he didn’t want to be with _you_ , and went and got you both something to eat.”

“We’re not a charity case,” Hongjoong grinds out between clenched teeth.

“Yeah, well stop fucking acting like one then!” Seonghwa yells, and hears a door open behind him. Junyoung starts crying again and Hongjoong shifts to stand with the boy in his arms.

“We’re leaving,” Hongjoong says, making sure his shoulder hits Seonghwa’s before punching his door code in and slamming the door shut. Seonghwa doesn’t turn around.

“Hyung,” He registers Yeosang’s voice and Seonghwa runs a hand through his hair, walking into his apartment and leaving the door open for Yeosang to come in through. He tosses the bag of the three egg toasts in his hand into the trash and falls back into the couch.

“What was that all about?” Yeosang questions, shutting the door and sitting next to him on the mussed up couch.

“Fucking kids who live between us,” Seonghwa mutters.

“Yeah, I got that much, but they clearly slept here last night, from what I overheard.”

Seonghwa hums. He definitely left a sticky note so Hongjoong would know where they were. He understands that Seonghwa is essentially a stranger, but he feels that the reaction was unwarranted and overboard when he told him where they went. Hongjoong thought Seonghwa _kidnapped_ his little brother after he’d recently lost his parents.

He wants to smash his head into a wall.

“Are you even listening to me?” Yeosang asks.

“No, I’m not. Forgive me, but I’ve got more on plate to worry about right now,” Seonghwa snaps and immediately regrets it.

“I’m sorry,” He says, rubbing at his eyes that are painfully dry. “Can I take a nap and we can talk later?”

Yeosang gives him an odd look, frown pinched in a disappointed tilt, but nods anyways. “Yeah, Hyung, sure.”

Seonghwa nods and lays his head back against the couch with his eyes closed. He knows Yeosang will leave of his own accord when he feels like it. He genuinely feels bad for how he spoke to him and will apologize again for it later, but his mind is still racing from his conversation with Hongjoong.

He hears the door click and realizes he’s alone. His mind wanders to Junyoung for a moment, thinking over the difference in response to himself and his brother. Junyoung seems… He wouldn't say _happy_ , but peaceful–content even–, when he’s with Seonghwa. He doesn’t cry, though he might whine. It's to be expected, at that age, but he’s still polite, and respectful, and he listens wellr. But, when Hongjoong is there, or if you even so much as mention him, the child gets emotional.

At least, Junyoung wasn’t crying at the mo– There it is.

☕️

He doesn’t see Yeosang for another six days. Seonghwa has a deadline to meet on his book. If he had went to his meeting that morning, he could have put it off, but it was now mandatory for them to be able to see progress which means he had holed himself in his room for nearly a week. Yeosang had come in and out of the apartment to drop off food and make sure he’s still eating. He has been. He’s even been remembering to drink water from the huge jug Yeosang left outside his door on the second day. The road to taking better care of himself while he’s writing has been a long process, one Yeosang has had to see out himself, but he’s getting better at managing it.

When his seventh chapter is finished he decides to leave the cave of his room and go out into the world.

He had showered all the grease out of his hair an hour ago, as well as brushed his teeth and changed into a fresh set of clothes. There’s a pause in his steps as he passes the door to Hongjoong and Junyoung’s place. The thought of knocking on the front door to apologize is tempting, but he decides to walk by it in the end.

Over the passed few days it seems like Junyoung’s gotten quieter, but the crying is still a constant. The gaps of Junyoung’s silence is then filled with a deeper sort of sorrow that can be heard through the walls. Seonghwa wants to tell them both it will be okay, but that’s not something he could even hope to know, let alone be something they could believe.

He pushes the siblings out of his mind and mulls over how to apologize to Yeosang as he walks to their usual coffee shop. Seonghwa isn’t one to snap at his friends under stress, especially not to Yeosang, who’s been at his side for years. He knows he needs to give a better apology than the shitty one he’d walked away from almost a week ago.

When he walks into San’s shop, the first person he sees is Mingi at the counter. The second person he sees is Yeosang, point at the menu above them while Mingi makes a face at him.

“He drinks that?” Mingi is saying, nose scrunched in distaste.

“Only when he’s writing,” Yeosang explains and Mingi nods like he gets it, but the shocked look on his face says otherwise. Seonghwa realizes Yeosang is ordering his morning coffee.

“I’m not anymore, though,” He announces as he walks up. Yeosang’s head snaps over to look at him and rakes his eyes over him. Seonghwa after a week long writing session is normally not pretty, to put it lightly. He was usually grateful he even remembered to leave his house after a week and regularly forgets to shower or change after which leaves him out in public smelling horrid in terribly stained clothes.

He remembered this time though. He’s getting  _ better _ .

Yeosang gives him a soft smile after realizing he doesn’t need to drag Seonghwa back home to take a shower. “In that case,” Yeosang says, turning back to Mingi who just looks very confused, “He’ll take a hot coffee. Half chai, half coffee, and a little bit of caramel too.”

Mingi’s eyes are wide. “You’re telling me he drinks a black americano with four espresso shots when he’s writing, but when he’s not he has the taste buds of a child?” He says, waving his sharpie in the air before scribbling out the old order on the cup and writing in the new one.

Seonghwa shrugs. “It happens,” He pauses for a moment before adding, “Could I get three blueberry scones as well?”

Yeosang gives him a lopsided stare, knowing only one of them is probably for Seonghwa himself.

Seonghwa pays for his order plus the green tea and muffin that Yeosang orders for himself in a silent way of thanks. He drags the younger boy over to a table in the corner and they eat quietly until Seonghwa speaks up.

“Yeosang-ah, I’m really sorry about how I talked to you the other day,” Seonghwa starts, “I was really frustrated, but it wasn’t with you. I shouldn’t have snapped at you and I’m sorry.” After that morning at his apartment, Seonghwa hasn’t felt settled. Yeosang is one of the closest people to him and is extremely important, and he’s felt terrible knowing that he basically dismissed him after giving the younger male a half-hearted apology.

“It’s alright,” Yeosang says, holding up and hand to quiet him when Seonghwa wants to butt in that it is absolutely _not_ alright, “I’m not saying you should do it again. Don’t make a habit of it because I didn’t deserve that, but I forgive you, Hyung.”

Seonghwa nods, shame washing through him. “I won’t make a habit of it. I’m sorry, but thank you for forgiving me.” He hopes that the last they'll speak of that day until Yeosang speaks up again.

“You know you have to tell me exactly what happened that day though, right?” He says, eyebrows raised in silent punctuation. There’s no way Seonghwa can go around the question without either coming off as an asshole, which he just promised wouldn't become a habit, or portraying that he has something to hide, so he just sighs and starts telling the story of how he thought Yeosang finally committed murder on their neighbor.

Seonghwa tells him about how Hongjoong arrived at his door with a damp Junyoung in his arms and demanded entry into his apartment. He tells him how Hongjoong fainted in his living room. About how the child was perfectly fine for him and didn’t do more than whimper when it was just the two of them. How he thinks Hongjoong is somehow a trigger for the child. Seonghwa tells him how that tiny human climbed into bed with him when he got scared being alone in the morning and how they went to the coffee shop in the morning to get food and how Hongjoong flipped the fuck out when they got home.

“And, I don’t get it,” He finishes, “Because I left the asshole a note saying that we were going out. It’s not my fault that he’s–”

“What note?” Yeosang interrupts, trading eye contact with Seonghwa in exchange for looking at the muffin in front of him.

“It just said that we were going to get food and would be back. I stuck it right on his forehead, he couldn’t hav-”

“I think he might have miss it, though,” Yeosang says, gnawing at his lip.

“Stop cutting me off, first of all,” Seonghwa huffs, “Second of all, what do you mean? I stuck it on him so that there was no way he _could_ miss it.”

“Yeah, but you went to your room that day without touching anything. I cleaned up the living room and there was a sticky note stuck in the blanket, pushed between the back of the couch cushions,” Yeosang explains while Seonghwa’s face pales, “So, maybe… Maybe he didn’t see it. Maybe he rolled a lot in his sleep and it came off and then he woke up with his baby brother and you both gone after his parents just died and of course he was scared he lost another family member because he’s fucking traumatized, Hyung.”

Seonghwa feels sick.

Hongjoong didn’t know where they were and was scared and Seonghwa yelled at him after.

Fuck.

“I have to go,” Seonghwa mutters, standing fast enough that the table shakes and nearly spills Yeosang’s drink all over him. He grabs the bag of baked goods and yells a rushed goodbye.

He feels jittery, like his heart might beat out of his chest, as he jogs to the condo building, but it’s not from the exercise. He took Hongjoong’s baby brother and he had no idea where they were at all. Hongjoong must have been terrified.

He can hear Junyoung’s crying getting louder as he makes is way up the stairs, taking two at a time. Passing the first door in front of the stairs, he knocks his knuckles against the one in the middle, just before his own.

As soon as his fist hits the door, Junyoung’s crying halts and Seonghwa’s taken aback.

“Hongjoong?” He tries through the door. “It’s Seonghwa.” There’s a moment where he thinks Hongjoong is going to pretend he’s not home even though he very clearly just heard Junyoung and he’d never leave the boy alone at such a young age.

A few more seconds pass before he hears a soft, “Hyung?” Did Hongjoong actually leave the child by himself?

“Jun? Are you alone?” He asks.

“Hyung is here, but… He’s sleeping lots again,” He says through the door.

Hongjoong passed out again, Seonghwa realizes. He must not have slept at all the last few days, if how much Junyoung and him had both been crying was anything to go by.

“Can you open the door for me, Jun?” Seonghwa asks, wanting to make sure both of the boys are okay.

There’s a pause and Seonghwa is half expecting the door to swing open, but instead Junyoung’s voice wafts back through the door. “Hyung told me not to open it for anyone. Not even you,” He sniffles, before tacking on, “I’m sorry,” softly.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Seonghwa assures him, trying to settle him through the barrier between them, “You’re being a good boy by listening to your brother. And, he’s right. You shouldn’t be opening the door for strangers.”

Seonghwa thinks he can hear him say something else, but it’s soft enough that he doesn’t catch it.

“Bud, I’m going to leave some food outside your door. Listen for when my door closes and then you can come get it, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Come get me if Hongjoong doesn’t wake up soon, okay?” He tells him.

“Okay, Hyung.”

Seonghwa leaves the bag of scones propped up against the brothers’ door and goes to his own home. He wonders briefly if Junyoung will be okay taking care of himself until Hongjoong wakes up. It’s only a little after eight in the morning and last time Hongjoong woke up around ten so he’s hopeful that he’ll wake up soon.

He tries to spend some time writing, but his mind keeps wandering over to the boys next door. Originally, it’s because of Junyoung. Seonghwa can admit to himself that he's worried about the kid who’s parents have passed away at such a young age.

Seonghwa grew up raised by his father, who passed away a few years ago from stomach cancer. It progressed fairly quickly and Seonghwa counts his blessings that the man wasn’t in pain for too long. He doesn’t know if he could watch the person who raised him alone his whole life die slowly and in pain. It must be much harder for a boy at such a young age and another who now has another human to worry about instead of just themselves with neither of them having any time to process the events.

He doesn’t know how long ago the tragedy happened, but he assumes that it’s recent. It also seems as though both boys are–were–very close to their parents. There’s a nagging hope that he might be able to tell them that it will get better.

There’s another part of him, a much larger part that he doesn’t want to acknowledge just yet, that wants to be able to  _ see _ them get better.

It’s been forty five minutes and when he looks at the screen of his computer, he sees nothing. The paragraph starts off with, “The,” and ends there. He pauses the soundtrack playing and there’s a pounding on his front door. Thinking it might be Junyoung, he jumps up from his chair. It isn’t until he opens the door and is met with Hongjoong’s displeased face that he realizes the sound was much too loud for it to be four-year-old’s fist.

“Hello, Hong–,” There’s a pressure in his chest and a soft  _ crunch _ that comes with it.

“I believe I told you once already that me and my brother are not a charity case,” He says, eyes wide and wild, hair still mussed with sleep.

“I know, listen, I–”

“No,  _ you _ listen,” Hongjoong interrupts and Seonghwa pictures knocking both his and Yeosang’s heads together, “I’m sorry I barged my way into your place that day, but I don’t need handouts from you or anyone else, understand? That boy is my baby brother and I’m responsible for him.” His voice cracks on the last word and Seonghwa’s heart cracks open with it.

“It’s okay to ask for help sometimes,” Seonghwa whispers to him, prying off Hongjoong’s hand that’s fisted around a bag of crumbled scones and into his shirt. He takes the bag and lets Hongjoong’s hand fall.

“I _can_ take care of him,” He says, eyes hard but glazed.

“I never said you couldn’t,” Seonghwa tells him plainly.

“You didn’t need to say anything. The favor’s are enough,” He jerks his head in the direction of the ruined bag.

“Scones aren’t a form of passive aggressive judgement, Hongjoong,” He says, consciously holding himself back from rolling his eyes, “They were a peace offering because I was  _ wrong _ the other day.”

Hongjoong’s face twists like he doesn’t believe him.

“I left you a note,” Seonghwa explains, “You didn’t see it because I stuck it to your head and you move around when you sleep so it fell off. I told you where we were, so I thought you were severely overreacting when we got back. Honestly, even if you had seen the note, I shouldn’t have taken Junyoung out without explicit permission from you because  _ you’re _ the one who’s raising him. I just brought the scones so I could apologize.”

Hongjoong levels Seonghwa with a stare long enough that he feels uncomfortable, until Hongjoong seems to have decided on something.

“Don’t bother us again,” Is all he says and Seonghwa is stunned enough that he doesn’t say a single word back to him as the younger boy re-enters his own home and shuts the door without even a glance back, Seonghwa still standing in the archway of his own home.

He doesn’t remember closing his front door and he definitely doesn’t remember sitting on his couch, but that’s where he ends up with his mind feeling like it’s going through a blender. His thoughts are being hacked up, mudded together, and stretched thin.

Seonghwa naps.

It’s been years since the last time he remembers taking a nap, but he takes one today. Anger courses through him when he wakes up two hours later.

Who does he think he is? He knows that there’s grief built up in the man’s body that he hasn’t been able to release in a healthy way, but that gives him no right to just slam a door between them. Then there’s the thought that Seonghwa barely knows them and  _ he _ has no right to expect more than either of them can give right now.

He gets up to eat lunch and then takes another nap.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait! hopefully this tides you over until the next one~

He’s in the middle of a Harry Potter movie marathon when there’s a knock at his door. His first thought is that it’s Yeosang, but Yeosang rarely ever knocks these days. Maybe Yunho is in town, but he will usually call or at least text before showing up.

Seonghwa opens the door and finds a girl who can’t be any older than seventeen. She looks on the verge of tears and he’s never been more confused.

“Can I help you?” He questions. She’s disheveled, a stain on her shirt and her hair is a mess. The appearance isn’t unlike his own after a long period of writing.

“Um, yeah, I was told to only come to you as a last resort, but Hongjoong isn’t home yet and it’s getting late so—”

“What are you talking about?” Seonghwa cuts in, mind reeling. How and where does Hongjoong work into this? He hasn’t seen the man since he walked away from him a week and a half ago.

“Did he not tell you?” She asks, eyes wide. “I’m sorry, I thought- It doesn’t matter. I’m supposed to be watching Junyoung, but he won’t stop crying and Hongjoong was supposed to be here an hour ago and I have to get home. The kid wouldn’t let me pick him up to bring him over, so I came over here without him.”

“You left him alone?” He can feel his eyes widen comically as his voice raises at the girl who flinches back at the volume of his voice.

Seonghwa pushes past her to open the door to the other boys’ apartment. “Jun?” He calls out, the nickname rolling off his tongue.

It’s his first time inside the apartment since they’ve moved in and the kitchen to the right is as clean as ever. Not a single dish in the sink and the countertops are completely bare. Seonghwa briefly wonders if it’s because Hongjoong is a neat freak or because they don’t have things to put on the counters in the first place.

“Jun-ah, it’s Seonghwa,” He says, softer this time, turning to the opposite side, where the living room is. He hears footsteps come in behind him.

“I really have to–.”

“Just go,” Seonghwa spits at her. There’s not even a small portion of him that cares about what this girl has to say to him now that she’s left the boy alone. He hears the girl gather her things and walk out the door, slamming it behind her.

“She’s gone, Jun. It’s just us now,” Seonghwa says. He finally sees a tuft of hair and two wide eyes peering at him from behind the chair closest to the couch, tears ready to spill over.

“Hey, buddy,” Seonghwa says with a lopsided smile. Junyoung stands, face on full display to reveal a quivering lip. His heart shatters.

“She left me here alone,” He wails, “I was all by myself!” Seonghwa has to stop himself from covering his ears as the boy yells, distraught at the thought of being left without anyone.

“I know, bud, I know,” He says, starting towards the boy slowly, “But, I’m here and we’re gonna wait here for your brother, okay? I’m not going anywhere.” When he’s close enough, Junyoung comes out from behind the chair and flings himself into Seonghwa’s arms. He catches him easily enough, cradling his head where he’s crying into his shoulder.

“It’s fine, you can cry as much as you want. You’re okay,” Seonghwa is whispering to him as he sits himself down on the couch with the young boy in his arms. He feels terrible.

It takes nearly half an hour for Junyoung to finally calm down and when he does the first thing he says is, “I’m hungry.” Seonghwa can work with that.

He chuckles and stands up, shifting to perch the boy on his hip and take him to the kitchen. “Let’s see what you’ve got,” He says, bouncing him in his arm lightly. Seonghwa pulls open a cabinet and his heart drops. He almost wishes he hadn’t while Junyoung is right there. They have four bowls on the top shelf next to three plates, two glass cups, and five sippy cups. On the shelf below that is 6 packs of ramen and below that is two different brands cereal: one cheerios, the other froot loops.

“How about some ramen?” Seonghwa offers, forcing a bright smile as he looks at the boy who scrunches his nose in answer.

“I had that yesterday for lunch _and_ dinner,” He says with a whine, his lower lip jutting out.

Seonghwa thinks about what he has over at his place and remembers the cheese sauce sitting in his cabinet. “How about we go over to my house quick and grab some things so we can make cheesy ramen? It’ll be like macaroni and cheese, but with ramen noodles instead.”

Seonghwa thinks Junyoung is going to make a fuss about it still when the child doesn’t respond. “I guess,” He sighs, the annoyed facial expression looking misplaced on his tiny face. Junyoung shoots him a glare when he chuckles at him.

“Oh, don’t give me that look,” Seonghwa says fondly, wiggling a finger into the boy’s side. It’s the first time he’s ever seen him smile, but he quickly schools it into something more somber.

“Don’t do that,” He mutters, eyes filling up with tears again, startling Seonghwa. He cradles the boy close when the tears start to fall again, apologies spilling out.

“I’m sorry, Jun. Hyung is sorry. Did I hurt you?” He says, lifting the child’s shirt a bit, but nothing is there.

“Not hurt,” He sniffles into Seonghwa’s shoulder.

He’s not sure why he’s crying or what to do as the boy doesn’t want to talk, so he doesn’t question the boy for the time being. One of his hands rubs idly against his back while he feels the shoulder of his shirt become damp with tears.

“Let’s go get the stuff we need from my apartment,” He says softly, keeping a hand firmly on the boys back as he walks out, pushing a tiny sneaker in the door so they don’t get locked out, “And, you can talk to me about why you’re so upset when you’re ready.” 

There’s a shuffle against his chest as he opens his apartment door and he takes it as a nod. He places the boy softly on the couch, who lets go after a moment of trying to cling onto him. Junyoung settles into the couch, looking after him with wide eyes as he walks away towards his kitchen.

He shuffles through his cabinets, grabbing a few things. He starts with the jar of cheese, but also takes a few bags of chips, banana puffs that he saves for his nephew, and the box of kimchi he bought last week. There’s a bag on the back of his door that he stuffs it all into before shrugging it over his shoulder and picking Junyoung up to go back over to the other’s place.

“Are you ready to talk yet?” Seonghwa asks as he sets the boy down on the counter, looking content to kick his feet over the edge and knowing enough not to squirm in case he falls.

Junyoung doesn’t respond, playing with a piece of cereal that wasn’t picked up after someone’s breakfast. Seonghwa doesn’t push and keeps himself occupied with cooking for them both, making two bags of ramen for whenever Hongjoong comes home. He belatedly thinks he should have asked the girl where exactly he was or what time he said he would be back as it was passing five o’clock at night now. He shakes the thought from his head, draining the water from the noodles, keeping the broth packets to the side, and pouring half of the jar of cheese into the bowl.

There’s a shift beside him where Junyoung crawls over to where the stove is and pears into the pot. “Can I stir?” He asks softly and Seonghwa smiles at him.

“Of course, Jun. Here,” He says, handing over the wooden spoon and showing him how to mix it. He shoots him a glare.

“I know how to stir, I’m big,” He pulls his hand from Seonghwa, who just chuckles and holds his hands up in surrender.

“Of course you are, I just wanted to help,” He retorts, opting to stand next to the boy instead, blocking the edge of the counter. A few moments go by before Junyoung decides to speak again.

“Dad-,” He starts, voice so quiet that Seonghwa wouldn’t have been able to hear him if he wasn’t paying attention to the child’s actions already, ”Dad used to let me stir. Pasghetti and soup. Said I was better than him at it.”

Seonghwa carefully nods beside him, choosing not to correct his mispronunciation of spaghetti just yet. “I think so too,” He says, placing a reassuring hand on his back, “I might ask your brother if I can borrow you when I cook because you’re definitely better than me at it.”

Junyoung shakes his head. “Can’t. Hyung needs me here.”

It startles Seonghwa for a moment, the fact that this small child next to him thinks his older brother needs him. In the very next moment, he realizes that Junyoung is probably right. With how things are looking for these two boys right now, he thinks that things may fall apart for Hongjoong if something were to ever happen to Junyoung. That’s not something Seonghwa was sure the younger man would survive.

“What do you mean?” Seonghwa asks softly, wondering if Junyoung is ready to open up to him.

“I think it’s done,” Is all he says, letting the spoon drop from his hand and reaching out for him. Seonghwa lifts him easily, to place him at a booster seat in one of the chairs in their kitchen.

His mind wanders as he prepares bowls for both of them. Everything is muddled in his brain over these two boys and the loss they’ve experienced. There’s still a nagging wonder as to why Junyoung doesn’t cry when he’s with him, but does when he’s with Hongjoong. He still wonders how their parents left them even though it’s absolutely none of his business. There are so many questions he wants to ask and the only one to give him answers is a too trusting four-year-old and his older brother who wants nothing to do with him, but also listed him as some sort of emergency contact.

“Do you know where your brother is?” Seonghwa asks, setting a bowl in front of Junyoung.

The boy shrugs, picking up a fork. “Job hunting? I don’t know what that means,” He says around a mouthful of noodles, “Said he’d be back by three. Is it three yet?”

Seonghwa forces a light smile, sitting across from the boy and ruffling his hair, “Almost, bud.”

Junyoung just nods and continues eating. He finishes before Seonghwa does and then asks for seconds, which surprises him, but he fills his bowl again regardless. As his back is turned, he hears, “I’m sorry.”

Seonghwa glances back and sees the boy is crying again. “Why are you sorry?” He asks across the table, giving him his bowl back and patting his hand. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

“I just,” He tries through sniffles, taking a deep breath, “I cried before and I’m crying now and I’m just a cry baby.”

Seonghwa frowns at him. “Did Hongjoong tell you that?” He asks softly.

Junyoung’s head snaps up at him, a scowl plastered on his face. It’s one of the few times the child has looked him in the eyes. “No, he would never say that to me,” He says loudly, hurt coloring his tone, “Hyung takes care of me, he would never say anything _mean_.”

A pressure on Seonghwa’s heart is lifted at the admiration in the boy’s voice, until he speaks again.

“Mom… Mom said I cry too much,” He says, fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he chokes on a sob, “Mom was mean.” And, he’s crying, but it’s so much more than that.

It’s no wonder that Hongjoong is having a hard time when the boy in front of him is clearly in so much pain. The tiny shoulders in front of him hunch as he leans over to sob into his bowl. There’s a choking sound and Seonghwa fears that the child may vomit from how distraught he is. He doesn’t want to touch the child and moves next to him simply to be a comforting presence, but as soon as he’s within distance Junyoung is reaching out to him.

He wastes no time in picking the boy up, the tiny body shaking in his arms and Seonghwa has to struggle to hold back his tears. Absentmindedly, his hand rubs over the boys back in comforting circles. “Breathe, Junyoung,” He whispers, “You’ve got to breathe. Take a deep breath.”

Seonghwa has never felt so helpless as he whispers words of security to the child. A mix of “I’m right here” and “I’ve got you” and “It’s okay to cry”. It feels like hours before the sobbing has dwindled to spaced out hiccups. He takes a seat on their couch, keeping the boy close to him and running a hand through his hair.

He feels a tickle of breath near his ear and realizes Jun is talking. “I’m not sad about mom,” He’s saying, “She was mean. She was so mean.” There’s a pause and Seonghwa is prepared for tears to come again, ignoring for a moment how terrible the woman must have been for a child to feel this way about his parent. But, he continues, to his surprise.

“But, my dad,” He sniffles, pushing his face into Seonghwa’s shoulder, “My dad was the best. He worked lots, but he- he took care of me when he got home. We used to laugh,” Another choked sob, “It feels bad to laugh now.”

Seonghwa suddenly realizes this is why the child froze up when he tickled him earlier. Seonghwa made him laugh and he feels guilty for laughing. He doesn’t know what to say, so he rubs his back and pets his hair while he cries a little more at talking about his father.

“Have you talked to your brother about this?” He asks when the crying has slowed to hiccups once more. There’s a shuffle, a shake no.

“Why not?” He presses, hesitantly. 

“Hyung… gets sad when I talk about them. Don’t want him to be sad,” He says, wiping his nose on Seonghwa’s shirt. He tries not to be grossed out by it.

“I’m sure he doesn’t like seeing you sad either,” Seonghwa says, then continues before he can stop himself, “I think your dad wouldn’t want you to be sad either, you know.” There’s a worry that he’s overstepping his boundaries by saying it, but hopes he can relate to the child.

“How do you know?” Junyoung whispers.

“Well,” Seonghwa starts, shifting the boy so that he’s only sitting on one leg, his small legs across the other. Even though the boy is still resting against him, he can see him a little bit better like this. “My dad passed away a few years ago too,” He says and the boy straightens in his lap, looking at him with wide eyes.

“And, you’re not sad?” Disbelief colors his tone.

“I was sad,” Seonghwa says, hoping the child understands, “But, I knew that he was going to pass away and we talked about it a lot. He made me promise not to be too upset and that he’d cry too if I did. It was… really hard to keep my promise because I was very sad for a long time. I’m okay now, though. It took a little bit and sometimes I still get sad, but I have friends that look out for me. I think that both of our dads would like to see us smiling and laughing. They wouldn’t want us to cry for too long.” Junyoung eyebrows are pinched together like he’s concentrating hard before the expression smooths out and he lays his head on Seonghwa’s chest again.

“Do you think Hyung will be able to laugh again too?” He asks.

“I think you’re right that he needs you, Junyoung. And, I think that if you help him, he’ll be able to laugh again too,” Seonghwa says carefully.

Junyoung nods. “‘M gonna stop crying.”

“You can cry,” Seonghwa says quickly. It will do more harm than good to bottle it up, he’s realized over the years. “You don’t have to be all better right now. Over time, okay?”

“I _know_ ,” Junyoung says, exasperation filling his tone and Seonghwa thinks it’s the most personality he’s heard in the boy’s voice, “I’m big. I don’t want to cry anymore though. Not if dad cries too.”

Seonghwa doesn’t respond, feeling proud of the child on his lap. He clicks the TV on, flipping to a children’s channel and Junyoung is asleep in under ten minutes. His phone tells him it’s nearing eight at night and he’s starting to let the worry eat at him when the door finally pushes open.

He twitches, wanting to stand, but not wanting to wake Junyoung. He waits instead, until Hongjoong rounds the corner of the small doorway and stops short when he sees Seonghwa sitting on his couch. The boy looks worse for wear, putting it nicely. There are dark circles around his eyes and he looks damp, like a cat that got caught in the rain and tried to shake itself off afterward.

Without saying a word, he walks over and picks Junyoung up out of his arms and takes him down the hallway. Seonghwa gets up to stretch after being seated for so long. He meanders over to the kitchen to put the cold cheese noodles into a bowl that he then shoves in the microwave and starts to do the dishes he left behind. There’s a cleared throat behind him and he turns to face Hongjoong who’s changed into sleep clothes.

“You going to kick me out?” Seonghwa mocks, turning back the sink and scrubbing so hard it leaves scratches on the pan.

“Not before you tell me what happened,” He says, and Seonghwa can tell he means it lightly, but it still sets him off.

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that? I try to help and you get pissed off. Then I apologize because I know how to admit when I’ve done something wrong and you say you want nothing to do with me which is fine because we’re strangers. But then a teenage girl shows up at my door saying she has to go home and you used me as an emergency contact? I should be asking _you_ what happened, Hongjoong?” He’s trying not to yell, to not wake up Junyoung, but he needs to know what Hongjoong wants from him at this point. “Trying doing it without the self-sacrificial bullshit too,” He adds in, face pinched.

Hongjoong shuffles around in the doorway like he’s not sure what to say. Seonghwa’s not leaving until he gets answers. “I just-,” Hongjoong starts and then stops himself before starting again, “I was looking for work. Anywhere, doing anything. I saw a girl getting off the elevator a few floors below us and asked if she could babysit for a few dollars, that I didn’t have much to pay her. She seemed fine with it. I told her… To bring him to yours if he got too much. He seems comfortable with you. I didn’t mean to be this late, I lost track of time.”

Hongjoong at least has the decency to look guilty about how all of it went when Seonghwa turns back to him after putting the dishes in the strainer. “I’m sorry if I offended you,” Hongjoong plows on, “Truly, you’ve been nothing but nice to us and I took advantage of that today. I’m sorry. And, thank you, for keeping an eye on him. He-,” He stops, eyes going misty, “He smiled at me when I put him to bed. He was only awake for a moment, but when he saw me… He smiled. I don’t know what you did today, but thank you.”

Hongjoong starts crying in earnest, a deep-set sound that vibrates through his whole body, and the anger Seonghwa felt previously dissipates.

“I’m not mad,” Seonghwa says, staying where he is in front of the sink, “I think I might have been a little upset, but I’m not angry with you. I’d like it if you let me help out, though.”

Hongjoong takes a moment to wipe his eyes, a hue of red added to the deep blue circles that were already around his eyes. “Why? Why are you being so kind to us after I trespassed into your home, yelled at you, and told you to stay away after you tried to apologize? I was awful,” Hongjoong stresses. His eyes don’t look accusing, they just look confused.

“When my father passed away,” Hongjoong straightens, similar to the way Junyoung had earlier and the thought that they’re really brothers flits through his mind, “I had Yeosang and Yunho by my side. I had people to lean on to take care of me when I was too depressed to take care of myself. You don’t seem like you have that. I don’t know if it’s because there’s no one around or if you’ve told people you don’t need it, but I don’t mind being someone you can lean on, Hongjoong.” Then, he levels him with an easy smile when he says, “Junyoung’s cute too. I don’t mind having him around.”

Hongjoong cracks a smile of his own at that before sobering again. He seems to be thinking for a moment, and Seonghwa thinks that maybe he actually is going to kick him out, but Hongjoong just sighs and says, “Okay,” with a shrug.

“Okay?” Seonghwa retorts, eyes widening.

Hongjoong nods. “Yeah. Okay, you can help. I still need to find a job and I need someone to look after Junyoung until I do. Don’t you work, though? Surely you can’t babysit a five-year-old all day.”

“Junyoung’s five?” Is the first thing he blurts out, before he can reel himself back, “I thought he was four this whole time.”

“No, he just turned five a few weeks ago,” Hongjoong says with raised eyebrows.

“Oh,” Seonghwa says, before answering, “About work. Right. I work from home, mostly. I write, so I only have to go in for meetings sometimes. I don’t have another meeting until next week though, so it should be fine. Just knock on my door in the morning.”

The younger man nods along, “Okay, yeah. Yeah, I will.”

Seonghwa nods back, shifting his weight just to have something to do. “Okay, um, I’m gonna head out. I’ll see you tomorrow?” It comes out as a question rather than a statement.

“Yeah, I’ll bring Jun over,” He says back softly, blinking a few times.

“Okay, yeah. Okay,” Seonghwa says, grabbing his bag and then remembering, “I made food. I heated up what was left.” He points to the microwave in the corner before waving and walking out without waiting for Hongjoong to wave back.

He falls asleep peacefully and sleeps through the night without being woken up once for the first time in a week.

☕️

Hongjoong does bring Junyoung to his place the next morning.

He’s already awake, though still in bed when he hears a knock at his door. His phone reads “9:54 Tuesday, September 10”. There’s another knock just as the front door comes into view and he sprints the rest of the way. He takes a moment to flatten out his hair before pulling the door open.

He smiles gently when he sees Hongjoong, who’s cheeks tint pink enough to match the faded red of his hair. The smile only grows when he spots Junyoung, who’s watching him from where he’s perched on his brother’s hip.

“Hey, big man!” Seonghwa says and his heart soars when Junyoung reaches out for him. He takes him easily in his arms and the small boy curls against him, pressing his face into his shoulder. Seonghwa gives Hongjoong a questioning look.

He sighs. “He’s being dramatic this morning. Says I woke him up too early even though he slept for at least twelve hours,” Hongjoong says with an eye roll.

Seonghwa can’t keep the amused smile off of his face, seeing more personality in both of them than he’s ever seen. He jostled the boy purposefully in his arms and Junyoung whines at the movement. “Okay, Oscar,” Seonghwa jokes until Junyoung turns to look at him.

“Oscar the Grouch? Is that supposed to be funny?” He says, wiggling out of his arms and stomping over to the couch.

Seonghwa can’t help but to laugh and catches Hongjoong watching him. “I’ve never seen you laugh before. I didn’t think you were a naturally cheerful person,” Hongjoong says, passive. 

He shrugs, still smiling. “Well, we’re normally arguing. Don’t apologize,” Seonghwa adds in quickly when Hongjoong opens his mouth, face pinched in regret, “We’re good. I’ll take care of the kid until you get back.”

Hongjoong just nods before squinting at him. “Don’t think I didn’t notice the food you left,” He says, handing a small Pikachu backpack over to him, but smooths his expression, “Thank you. I normally wouldn’t accept it, but..” He looks like he doesn’t know how to finish, so Seonghwa helps.

“You have a kid to worry about now. I get it,” He says, “You’ve been thanking me so much. I have a feeling it’s not going to keep happening, should I get a recording or something?” He asks, pretending to search for his phone in his pockets.

“Oh, fuck off,” Hongjoong sighs, but there’s a tug at the corner of his lips.

“Hyung!” Junyoung yells from the living room, “Swear jar!”

“Love you too! See you later!” Hongjoong yells back before looking back at Seonghwa. “Seriously, thank you. I’ll be back before dinner,” Is all he says before walking away with a wave thrown over his shoulder. Seonghwa watches him until he steps onto the elevator, doors closing behind him.

He wanders back into the apartment where he finds Junyoung asleep on the couch. He sits next to him, petting his bangs out of his face. Seonghwa drags a hand down his own face. Thinking about Junyoung and Hongjoong sends his heart into a tornado. What has he gotten himself into?

He’s wondering what exactly he’s supposed to do with a kid all day when his cell phone blares from the kitchen. Junyoung stirs and he runs to answer it before it can completely wake him up.

“You almost woke the kid,” He says into the phone when he answers and hears a responding laugh.

“Sorry,” Yunho says, overlaying voices in the background making it hard for him to hear, “I didn’t know you had Minjun today.”

“I don’t,” Seonghwa says before he can stop himself. Yunho is one of his best friends, their parents were friends and they grew up only houses apart from each other. He’s going to want to know everything and Seonghwa’s not sure he’s ready to give up the information just yet. Now he’s not sure if he has a choice.

“Oh,” The younger man says, surprised, “Who’s kid do you have then?”

“Uh, my neighbor’s,” Seonghwa says, feigning nonchalance.

“He’s not just your neighbor if you’ve agreed to watch his baby. You don’t even like kids that much, Hwa,” Yunho scoffs, “Try again.”

He blows his bangs out of his face in annoyance. “He is just my neighbor and it’s not his baby, really. It’s his little brother. They lost their parents recently and the guy doesn’t have a job so I’m watching Jun while he’s looking for one.”

“Uh-huh. And, what about when he does find a job? Then he’s going to need you to watch him while he’s working. You telling me you’re going to say no?” Yunho questions. 

“I mean, well, no, not exactly,” Seonghwa fumbles.

“Right,” Yunho chuckles. It’s annoying how often Yunho feels older than him.

“Whatever, it’s not a big deal,” He mutters into the phone.

“I didn’t say it was,” He sing-songs back. “I was just calling to say I’m coming back this Friday. We can get the boys together, do a movie night, yeah?” He says, excited.

“Yeah, sure,” Seonghwa agrees until Yunho speaks up again.

“Invite your neighbor too.”

“No, Yunho,” He shakes his head even though he knows Yunho can’t see him, “He would have to bring Jun and it’s Yeosang’s turn to pick and he always picks scary movies. No.” 

“Well, I’m going to call Yeosang after we hang up anyways. I’ll just tell him the plans and it’ll be fine,” Yunho replies, and he can hear the younger man laughing at him.

“No, Yunho, don’t d–”

“I’ll see you Friday, Hwa!” And then there’s a beep followed by silence. Seonghwa pulls his phone away and sees “Call Ended” flashing on the screen.

“Mother fucker,” He grits out, running a hand through his hair.

“Swea’ jar,” Comes a soft mumble from beside him and Seonghwa nearly jumps, not knowing Junyoung was in the room.

“Thought you were sleeping still, bud,” Seonghwa says, picking the boy up who’s rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and walking back into the living room. “Do you have anything you want to do today?”

Junyoung looks at him, seemingly debating his options, before settling on, “Coloring? Can we go to the park too?”

“We can color now,” He concedes, “We’ll head to the park after lunch.” Junyoung grins the smallest smile, but Seonghwa still thinks it’s worth it.

They spend the morning coloring, just like he promised. He takes the stack of coloring books from his spare room and the box of crayons from the closet and Junyoung patiently colors by himself at the kitchen table until Seonghwa’s had breakfast. When he comes back to the table after putting his dishes in the sink, Junyoung has set a coloring book aside just for him. Seonghwa puts on a kids' music channel and sometimes sings songs incorrectly to try to get Junyoung to laugh, but the most he does is smile at him.

Seonghwa takes it as a win.

He makes knock-off pizza for lunch. Just some tortillas with pasta sauce and cheese on them, but Junyoung helps and he loves it just as any child would love getting themselves dirty with food.

After they eat and wash up, Seonghwa keeps his promise to take him to the park. They go to the one across the street so that they’re not too far away and he can see if Hongjoong comes back early. Junyoung seems like he’s having a good time running around, swinging, and going down the slides.

It isn’t until two small boys show up with their dad that he’s asking to go home with a tug on his pant leg and arms reached out towards him. He hides his face in Seonghwa’s neck and Seonghwa tried to reassure him that it’s okay, that he can still feel sad.

When they get back to the apartment, he asks to nap in Seonghwa’s bed so he lets him.

It was only two in the afternoon when he lays down and there’s a knock on his door at 3:15. He hops up and opens the door to Hongjoong who doesn’t look overly pleased.

“Rough day?” Seonghwa says gently. Hongjoong just nods.

“It’s like no one is hiring, but I need a job. I’ll take anything at this point,” The younger man sighs.

“Something will come along,” Seonghwa says, “Don’t lose hope yet.”

“It’ll be fine,” Hongjoong says, shaking himself off of the day and finally peering into the apartment. “Junyoung?”

“Oh,” Seonghwa starts, stepping back to let Hongjoong in, “He’s napping in the other room.”

“Napping?” Hongjoong says over his shoulder, face twisting as he walks down the hallway to Seonghwa’s room. “He hates naps.”

He entertains, briefly, the idea that he should not mention the two boys and their father to Hongjoong. It’s a fleeting thought, one he pushes from his mind almost instantly. He has no reason or obligation to protect Hongjoong from these things that are bound to happen in their process of healing.

“We went to the park. He probably tired himself out with all the running,” He pauses, not sure how to phrase the continuing sentence, “And, we ran into a family. Two kids and their, uh, dad. He cried for a bit and I think that exhausted him too. So, yeah. He’s napping.”

In the time that he rushes that out, Hongjoong pauses his steps but never turns to look at him. Seonghwa is prepared for a few things. He’s prepared for Hongjoong to be angry; Whether it be at Seonghwa for taking his little brother out of the house without his permission or maybe even at himself for not being here when Junyoung probably needed him. Hongjoong could be upset and start crying. Maybe even pass out again.

The one thing Seonghwa isn’t prepared for was for him to say, “Okay,” with a slight nod and keep walking. It takes Seonghwa a moment to regain his footing after that, tripping up over the fact that Hongjoong seemed to just take it in stride.

When he looks up, the hallway is empty. He debates going back out to the living room to wait for them but decides to peek into his bedroom.

Hongjoong is sitting on his bed. Junyoung already awake and in his lap, pressing a tearful face into his neck. The older is rubbing a hand over his back, whispering something along the lines of, “I know. I miss him too.” There’s a tug inside Seonghwa’s heart, something else crumbling that he can’t put into words just yet. He steps back, heading to the living room.

It’s another few minutes before they emerge from the hallway, Junyoung’s hand in his brother’s. Both of their eyes are a little red, but he ignores it and smiles at them both.

“Sleepyhead,” Seonghwa says fondly and Junyoung scrunches his face to pout at him, making Seonghwa chuckle.

“We’re going to get going,” Hongjoong says, pulling his hand from Junyoung’s and patting the top of his head, “Say bye to Seonghwa-Hyung.” Seonghwa feels his back straighten at the term.

Junyoung manages to climb up into his lap to wrap his tiny arms around his neck. “Thank you for playing with me today,” He says before pulling away and heading for the door. 

“Hey, don’t leave without me,” Hongjoong scolds before shooting a tentative smile Seonghwa’s way. “Is it okay to bring him again tomorrow?”

He’s nodding before Hongjoong finishes his question. “Of course, bring him by whenever.”

He gets a nod in return and a soft, “Thank you,” before they’re both gone.

There’s no crying that night.

☕️

Hongjoong does bring Junyoung over the next day. And, the next. Before Seonghwa can blink, it’s Thursday and he still hasn’t asked him to come to movie night the following day. He’s more nervous than he would like to admit to himself and doesn’t want to delve into the reasons why it feels like it’s a big deal to let his neighbor meet his friends.

Junyoung is painting at the kitchen table with some things he found buried in Minjun’s room when Hongjoong knocks at the door. The child has seemed more down than usual all day and Seonghwa’s found it best to let him think his thoughts over when his mood is even quieter than usual. He’ll talk to Seonghwa about it when he’s ready.

When he hears the sound at the door, though, he immediately perks up. He can hear the rapid succession of tiny steps to the front door before Seonghwa can even shift to get off the couch.

The door flings open and he hears, “Haven’t I told you to ask first before opening the door for someone?”

“I knew it was you,” Comes the muffled response and when Seonghwa rounds the corner, he sees Junyoung has tucked his face into his brother’s shoulder.

Hongjoong spots him and tilts his head in question, but Seonghwa just shrugs. They’ve gotten good at talking without actually speaking, not wanting to worry Junyoung, but needing to communicate about how his mood has been through the day.

“Say bye to Hyung,” Hongjoong says to the boy who just waves.

“I actually–” Seonghwa’s voice cracks and Hongjoong does him the courtesy of pretending not to hear, “I actually wanted to ask you something.”

Hongjoong nods. “What’s up?”

“So, tomorrow one of my friends is stopping in from out of town. Yeosang will come over too and a few other people. We’re just gonna watch a movie or two,” Seonghwa says.

“Oh. Yeah, I can keep Junyoung with me tomo–,” Hongjoong starts, brow creased, before Seonghwa cuts him off.

“No!” He yells, startling Hongjoong who shuffles back, “That’s not what I meant, uh. I was asking you to come. Both of you,” Seonghwa clarifies.

He can see the wheels turning in Hongjoong’s mind. “I don’t know if your friends would want to hang around a baby–.”

“‘M not a baby,” Junyoung speaks up.

“No, I know,” Hongjoong soothes, “They would just have to be kids movies.”

“One of my friends can’t deal with scary movies anyways. We’ll probably end up watching The Lion King or something,” Seonghwa assures. Junyoung’s head comes up at the title.

“Can we go, Hyung, please,” The boy pouts at his brother, lower lip jutting out and eyes going wide.

Seonghwa wants to laugh at how quickly Hongjoong caves.

“Okay, just stop with the puppy eyes,” He says before looking back to Seonghwa, “I’ve been out too much anyways. Wanted to spend the day with this kid, so I won’t bring him tomorrow morning, but what time should we be over?”

Seonghwa… Hadn’t thought of that. “Uh, around six maybe?” He suggests, thinking about what time San was getting out of work and how long it would take Yunho to get to his house once he leaves work and picks up Mingi.

Hongjoong nods once. “Okay, we will see you tomorrow then,” He says with a wave and then they’re both out the door.

Seonghwa feels a weight lift off his chest. He did it, at least. Now he just has to prepare.

He ends up stopping by Yeosang’s place to see what he has for snacks, but he still eats like a college student and is only stocked up with ramen and Doritos.

“What’s so wrong with that?” He says from where he’s leaned against the counter next to Seonghwa as the older boy rummages through his cabinets. “No one’s going to care what we’re eating. I’m sure whatever you have at your place is fine.”

“It’s Hongjoong’s first time meeting you guys,” Seonghwa scoffs, “We can’t just give him and the kid some chips and call it a day.”

“Oh, so this is about impressing the neighbor,” Yeosang teases and Seonghwa levels him with an unamused look.

“I’m going to the store,” Seonghwa says, tone flat.

“Oh, will you pick me up-,” The younger man starts, but he’s already walking away and walks out the door with a slam.

He can hear Yeosang’s deep laughter from behind the door. 

Seonghwa ends up picking up more banana puffs, cheese puffs, a box of popcorn, three different kinds of soda, a 6-pack of banana milk, a 4-pack of strawberry yogurt, another box of kimchi, plus everything he needs to make spicy rice cakes. Yeosang’s leaving his house just as Seonghwa steps out of the elevator with three grocery bags on each arm. He laughs at him and Seonghwa scowls as he shuffles to his apartment door and slams it shut on the keeled over _traitor_.

He has a hard time falling asleep and is up an hour before the sky even begins to lighten. The morning is spent cleaning. He vacuums all the rooms, mops the kitchen, scrubs his counters and his toilet, plus makes his bed as well as Juny– Minjun’s.

His alarm blares, letting him know it’s three in the afternoon and he has to start prepping food. He cuts up his ingredients and shoves what’s needed in the already boiling anchovy stock, letting it sit at a simmer. He realizes he’s still in his sleep clothes when the clock hits four.

Rummaging through his closet, he pulls out a pair of ripped black jeans and a loose red t-shirt, tucking it in and looping a belt around his waist. He runs a hand through his hair and is starting to feel settled when a knock at his front door sends his heart right back into his throat.

He looks through the peephole and sees San with Wooyoung next to him.

“I don’t remember inviting you,” Seonghwa says with a smile when he opens the door. Wooyoung scoffs and pushes his way passed him.

“As if,” He says, beckoning San inside as well who just smiles at Seonghwa as he struts passed him and into the apartment.

Seonghwa rolls his eyes at them both, but there’s no malice in the action.

“I can’t wait to meet this mystery boy Yeosang keeps telling us about,” San says with a smirk, “I’ve only met the little man, but this Hongjoong dude seems like a character too.”

“Can you not interrogate him as soon as he gets here please,” Seonghwa begs, looking between them both. Surprisingly, Wooyoung can be a bit more protective than San in certain situations. He thinks this might be one of them.

Wooyoung shrugs like he knows the question was more directed at him. “We’ll see,” Is all he says and Seonghwa groans.

There’s a sound of someone punching in a code which only means that Yeosang has arrived to torture him as well. “I have arrived with what we all need,” He says as he sets a case of beer on the table with a smile.

Seonghwa frowns. “There’s going to be a child here.”

“Yeah, but–.” Another knock. Seonghwa shoots him a glare that Yeosang frowns at before going to see who’s at the door.

“Are you a friend of Seonghwa’s?” An unfamiliar voice says as Seonghwa approaches.

“Hyung watches me,” He hears Junyoung say and he smiles, pulling the door open.

“I do a well good job of it too,” Seonghwa says and the smile Junyoung gives him makes his smile widen. He shifts his gaze to the unfamiliar face and he tilts his head. The boy is in a long brown trench coat, the same color as his hair. His face is warm, eyes bright, broad shoulders. “And, you are?” He asks.

“Oh, I know San,” He says, brows pinching. “He was supposed to tell you,” He trails off, shuffling his feet. 

“Let Jongho in before you scare him!” San yells from inside and Seonghwa rolls his eyes, but lets the three boys in, showing them where the other three are mingling. 

“I didn’t scare him, you brat,” Seonghwa says, perching Junyoung on the counter and pulling his shoes off before settling him on his hip, “You should have told me you invited someone else.”

“You’re oddly intimidating to people who don’t know you, Hyung,” San says around a mouthful of cheese puffs. Everyone else seems distracted by the child in his arms, who’s staring at Seonghwa from his shoulder.

“I’m not,” He says evenly before continuing, “Regardless, this is Junyoung. Over here is Hongjoong, his older brother.” He nods to them both and the boys in question wave shyly. Hongjoong looks like he’s not sure what to do with his hands when he’s not holding the small boy

It’s endearing.

“Boys, this is Yeosang, who lives on the other side of you. San who owns the coffee shop a few blocks over and his boyfriend Wooyoung. And, Jongho, I guess,” He counter introduces, pointing to each of them with his free hand.

San claps a hand onto Jongho’s shoulder, who jumps slightly at the contact. “Jongho here is going to be my part-timer at the flower shop,” San says with a smile.

“You got approved for the place next door?” Seonghwa asks, excited, handing over Junyoung who’s reaching for Hongjoong. San had been trying to buy the shop next to his and co-run a coffee shop and a flower shop with connecting buildings for the better part of the year. San nods with a wide smile and Seonghwa hugs him.

“That’s awesome, Sannie,” Seonghwa says, ruffling the younger man’s hair.

“Yeah, I just need to find someone to manage the coffee shop now that I’m going to spend most of my time over there. I would promote Mingi, but he can’t work a ton of hours because he’s still in school. None of my other part-timers are mature enough for a management position,” He says, running a hand through his hair and Seonghwa finds himself turning to Hongjoong who looks stunned.

“You’re only twenty-one, San, and you’re about to be running two shops. You can’t dock them based on age, you know,” Wooyoung interjects. 

“I’m a special case,” San says back with a smirk.

“I–” Hongjoong speaks up, finding his voice, and all the heads in the room turn to look at him, “I would be willing to do it. I’ve been looking for a job. I have to look after this one, so I would have to take him to work with me sometimes until I can get him in daycare somewhere,” He glances at Seonghwa before barreling on, “But I’ll work hard and do my best.”

San stares at him for a moment, rakes his eyes over him, takes in the strawberry toned hair, the faded t-shirt and flannel with holes spotted over it. “Are you… Sure?” Is all he asks, head tilted.

Hongjoong can’t nod fast enough. “Absolutely. One hundred percent.”

After a moment San shrugs, “Yeah, sure. Come in on Monday, we’ll do some paperwork and get you set up for training.”

“Are you serious?” Hongjoong whispers and Seonghwa can see his eyes filling up.

“Yeah, were you?” San retorts with a smile and the older boy nods again. “Then Monday it is,” He sticks his hand out towards Hongjoong, “I look forward to working with you." 

Hongjoong shakes his hand in a daze. “Thank you so much.”

☕️

Everything is going smoothly.

More than that, actually. Everything is going spectacularly.

Hongjoong handed Junyoung off to Seonghwa after it was confirmed that he officially had a job and no one saw him for thirty minutes. Seonghwa had to bribe the child with popcorn to convince him to leave his brother alone for a bit. He knew how much it meant to him that’d he be able to properly provide for Junyoung now.

Seonghwa thanks San, but he brushes him off. “If you trust him then I trust him,” Is all he says about it and Seonghwa hugs him again. Hongjoong comes back with puffy, red-rimmed eyes.

Yeosang tells him that Yunho and Mingi are going to be late. “You don’t want to know the things he told me they’re doing,” He relays with an exaggerated shudder.

“They see each other like once a month, leave them alone,” San says with a laugh.

Hongjoong shoots him a questioning look. “Yunho and Mingi are dating,” Seonghwa explains quietly, “But Yunho works out of town and Mingi goes to school here so they don’t see each other as often as they’d like.”

“That has to be difficult,” He grimaces.

Seonghwa agrees. He doesn’t think he could ever do it.

Mingi asks them not to start The Lion King without them so they don’t. Junyoung asks to watch The Lego Movie and San groans. “The song they sing is so anno–,” He stops short when Junyoung widens his eyes at him, lips in a pout. “So good,” San says, voice high, “I-I love it. Listen to it all the time.” Junyoung seems to know how to work that look to his advantage. 

Seonghwa makes them all popcorn. He lets Junyoung, who’s settled between himself and Hongjoong, hold the popcorn. He's over the moon about getting his own bowl even if he has to share it with them both.

They're an hour into the movie when Yunho walks in, Mingi's hand in his with large smiles plastered on both their faces.

"The party is here!" Mingi yells and Seonghwa pauses the movie, making Junyoung whine.

The light flicks on and everyone groans in unison as the light blinds them, but they all still turn to look at the boys. Yunho's smile slips abruptly at the same time that Seonghwa hears a gasp from behind him. He turns and sees Hongjoongs mouth agape, staring at the tall boy in the living room archway.

"Oh," Is all Yunho says before Hongjoong's on his feet, pulling Junyoung with him.

"We have to go," He says, breath thin.

"I wanna stay," Junyoung whines, "The movie's not over."

"Kim Junyoung, we are leaving right now," Hongjoong says between his teeth at him and it's the first time Seonghwa has seen him openly frustrated with the boy.

"No!" Junyoung yells, trying to pull his hand out of his grip. "I don't want to!"

"We are _leaving_ ," He reiterates loudly. Everyone in the room is staring at him except for Mingi, who's trying to ask Yunho what's going on with no answer.

Hongjoong picks Junyoung up, the small boy crying and kicking at his brother. He ignores the looks they're getting and walks out, careful to go around Mingi instead of on the other side. He only turns once to say, "I'm sorry," before they're gone.

Again. 

No one speaks for a moment and the first person to speak up is Wooyoung. "What the fuck was that about?"

Yunho looks stunned on his feet. Eyes wide and still focused on where Hongjoong was sitting previously.

"Yunho," Mingi prompts with a nudge, face pinched with worry.

He turns to Seonghwa instead of Wooyoung when he answers. 

"I was the first responder at their house when their parents died," He says, voice so low that Seonghwa has to strain to hear him, "I couldn't save them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the cliff hanger! i hope you all have a lovely week (:


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to thank everyone for all the kudos and comments i've received so far. it really does make me feel motivated & thank you for being patient with my slow updates too. this one feels a little but rushed to me, but i hope you all enjoy it anyways!~
> 
>  **W A R N I N G !** in the very first piece of this chapter there's details about hongjoong and junyoung's parent's passing. if that makes you uncomfortable or triggers you in any way please skip to the first coffee cup emoji! proceed with caution.

Seonghwa has the decency to feel guilty after forcing Yunho to tell him what happened because it wasn’t Yunho’s story to tell.

After Hongjoong’s abrupt departure from movie night, it was difficult for everyone to settle back into it. Yunho was sat next to Seonghwa on the couch, staring at the blank gray wall across from him. Mingi was on his other side, their hands interlocked. The rest of the boys went home a little bit after Hongjoong had walked out with a screaming Junyoung, feeling uncomfortable with the way the younger boy’s wails rang through the walls.

Seonghwa didn’t blame them.

He was waiting for Yunho to speak, but it wasn’t until Seonghwa prompted him with, “Are you going to tell us what happened?” That the younger male gave a firm shake of his head.

“No,” Yunho said, voice already quivering.

“Yunho,” He tried to reason, shifting his entire body to face the larger man, “Hongjoong’s not going to tell me what happened. I want to help them, but I need to know what happened.”

“You really don’t,” He argued, standing from the couch and turning on him. Yunho was the calm one in Seonghwa’s immediate circle of friends. All of the other boys could get hot-headed at times, but Yunho was known to normally keep his cool. There has been exactly one time that Seonghwa has seen his best friend angry. It was a year and a half ago. He was trying to surprise Mingi by showing up to pick him up from dance practice, but caught some of the other dancers cornering him and spitting slurs in his boyfriend’s face.

He broke the left arm of the man closest to him, fractured another’s ribs, and the last one bolted.

Seonghwa thought this might be a close second.

“What’s the real issue here?” He was nearly yelling, “You don’t even know him, Seonghwa! What could it possibly matter?”

He was at a loss for words, whatever he was going to say catching in his throat. “I just– Yunho, they’re so  _ sad _ . They’re both so devastated about what happened and I feel like I can’t help because I don’t know how much help they need. I keep taking one step forward and five massive steps back. Please,” He was begging, there’s no other way to describe the plea in his voice. He just felt like if he knew exactly what happened that something would change; Something might  _ click _ if he knew the full story.

Yunho ran a hand through his hair with a groan. Mingi sighed and Seonghwa knew there was something that he wasn’t saying, but he couldn’t worry about it.

“Do you remember,” Yunho started, looking up at the ceiling, “When I stayed here for a week?”

Seonghwa tilted his head. “Around five months ago? Yeah, you said you needed a break from work.”

Yunho looked at him then. “It was six months. Six months ago that I stayed at your place and six months ago that their parents died. I came here to escape that,” He said.

The severity of the situation hit him like a freight truck. The scene had been so bad that Yunho  _ ran away _ from his job for a week.

He remembers, vividly, what Yunho had been like at that time. The man had shown up at nearly midnight without a phone call. Just a text message that said, “I’ll be there in three hours,” and Seonghwa had prepared himself for the worst.

He’d opened the door to his best friend with a puffy, tear-streaked face decorated with a black and blue right eye. Yunho collapsed into his arms then, oversized body racked with sobs as he clung to Seonghwa.

They didn’t talk about it after that. He knew that Yunho struggled to let people see weaker sides of him, but also that the younger boy would push him away if he tried to ask questions. He’d hoped that they would talk about it before he left, but they never did.

Yunho told him he’d simply needed a break from the stresses of work and, instead of working himself up over it the blatant lie, Seonghwa took it at face value.

He shook himself of the memory as Yunho spoke again.

“When I got there… I could tell there wasn’t going to be much I could do aside from putting out the fire itself,” He started, voice strained and Mingi reaches for his hand, ”It was the first time I’d ever doubted my ability to do my job because the whole fifth floor was just… In flames and growing rapidly. Hongjoong’s dad arrived a few minutes after my team showed up and no one got him in time. The building was being evacuated but he fought all the people running out only to run  _ in _ . We didn’t even know he was inside until he was hanging a baby out the window.”

_ Junyoung _ , Seonghwa’s static-filled brain managed to supply,  _ He held Junyoung out the window. _

“The air cushion was already set up in case people got stuck on higher floors, but Junyoung was tiny so no one knew if he’d survive a fall five stories down. There was no choice, at the time. He ended up safe, obviously, but unconscious from the amount of smoke he inhaled. We thought–,” Yunho had kept an even voice until now. He choked on his next sentence, ”We thought that he might come next, but no one–,” A sob breaks out of him that his Mingi up and pulling the broader male into his chest, “no one else came out. He was trying to save his wife who was passed out drunk on the couch. She  _ locked _ Junyoung in his room simply because she didn’t want to deal with him, went to cook something, and then drank herself to sleep with the stove on. But, he still tried to save her. The fire was too big and their living room collapsed. On top of them,” He’s muttering into Mingi chest, who’s shushing him.

Seonghwa let them both settle for a moment. He tried to gather his bearings, but it was difficult information to take in. Losing your parents was one thing. He never knew his mother and he was, more or less, prepared for his father’s passing. To lose your parents in such a tragic way… He can’t even begin to imagine the struggle these boys must have gone through the past few months.

“Can I ask something?” Seonghwa said tentatively. Mingi shot him a look that almost made him hold the words back. Almost.

“You showed up here with a black eye that night. Who hit you?” He was almost positive he knew the answer and when a grimace flashes on Yunho’s face it only confirmed his suspicions.

“Hongjoong.” He scrubbed a hand down his face, looking pained. “I- I waited for him at the hospital because they were still keeping an eye on Junyoung, even though he was stable. Hongjoong was taking classes in the city and didn’t get back into the area until late. He didn’t have a phone and the neighbor’s had to tell him where they were. He showed up in hysterics, which is understandable. I was the only one available to speak with him. I told him his brother was recovering and when he asked about his parents I just… Froze up. I apologized, told him that it was my fault. He took that for what it was and punched me. I felt like I deserved it at the time.” Mingi made a wounded noise at the back of his throat and Yunho patted his leg. “I know, now, that there was nothing more I could have done, but at the time I didn’t see it.”

“You did everything you could,” Mingi confirms with a nod, his eyes boring into Seonghwa over Yunho’s shoulder. He can’t do anything, but stare back.

“I should go,” Yunho says after a moment, lifting his head and Mingi gives him a soft smile.

“You were going to stay the weekend,” Seonghwa says, eyes shifting between the two boys, “You can still stay here, I set up the room for you and everything. If-if you don’t want to then you don’t have to, though.”

“I thought maybe… You wanted space,” Yunho says softly, frowning and Seonghwa’s mouth mirror’s his.

“No, why would I? You didn’t do anything and Hongjoong is… Hongjoong. But, you’re my best friend, Yunho.” His eyes are burning from continuously trying to hold back tears.

Mingi’s gaze softens as he looks between them both. “You took a few days off,” He says to Yunho, “So stay for the weekend and you can stay with me the rest of the week.”

“Okay,” Yunho says, looking to Seonghwa with a smile.

**☕️**

Seonghwa lets Hongjoong avoid him after movie night.

Yunho had stayed the weekend, as he said he would, and Seonghwa felt awkward to reach out to him while he was there. He didn’t blame Yunho in the slightest for what happened, but he didn’t know how Hongjoong felt about it. He wasn’t sure if seeing Yunho just triggered memories for the younger male or if he truly blamed him for what he was going through now.

He didn’t reach out after Yunho left either. There was a lingering expectation that the strawberry haired boy would knock on his front door on Monday morning to ask him to watch Junyoung while he started training at San’s shop, but it never came. He didn’t see either of them all week or the week after that and the week after that one he locked himself in his room again.

There was more of a struggle this time around.

Yeosang had come by before and after his classes, but Seonghwa seemed intent on not being seen. He hadn’t touched the gallon of water that the younger boy had left outside his door this time, though Yeosang did notice a few bottles of water missing from the fridge.

When Tuesday of the following week hits Yeosang decides he’s had enough, but he has to approach it in the right way. Seonghwa is not easy to pull out of a mood like this, the stubborn man he is.

So he enlists some help.

“Who is it?” Hongjoong says as he pulls the door open, only to be greeted by a smiling neighbor, but not the one he’s used to.

“Hello!” He says, smile fading when Hongjoong doesn’t return the greeting, “I need a little help.” Honesty is indeed the best policy, right?

“What could I possibly help you with?” Hongjoong asks, voice blank as he peeks inside his apartment before grimacing. “Fucking-”

“Swear jar,” Comes a small voice, and then, “Is it Seonghwa-Hyung?” Junyoung forces his head between Hongjoong’s legs. He looks up with a smile until he spots Yeosang. “Oh,” He says with a frown.

“That’s not very nice, Junyoung,” Hongjoong scolds before looking at Yeosang again. “Sorry. He… Misses him, I think.”

“This is perfect then!” Yeosang says, clapping his hands together once in punctuation, “Let’s go see him!”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Hongjoong is saying, eyes wide, while Junyoung screams, “Yes, let’s visit!” over him.

“Listen,” Yeosang says, mood shifting and smile falling from his face, “Seonghwa is in some kind of… Rut, right now. I think seeing you both would make him feel a lot better. At least let Junyoung try to coax him out of his room. Please.”

Hongjoong looks at him for a long moment. He thinks of all the things Seonghwa has done for him and it’s enough for him to nod. Yeosang shoots him a small smile of thanks before leading them to the front door of Seonghwa’s apartment.

“Is he sleeping?” Junyoung tries whispering, but it’s loud enough for Yeosang to hear in front of them.

“No,” Hongjoong whispers back, just as loud, “I think he might just be sad, buddy.” Junyoung sniffles.

“He’ll be okay once he sees you,” Yeosang says as he types in the code to Seonghwa’s apartment.

“You think?” The small boy asks, hope present in his voice.

“Yeah,” Yeosang nods, holding his hand out to the boy, “Let’s knock on his door.”

Junyoung seems to eye the hand for a moment, not knowing if he can trust the older man when they’ve only met properly one other time. The boy’s eyes shift to his older brother who just nods. He tentatively places his hand in Yeosang’s much larger one.

They walk until they’re stopped right in front of Seonghwa’s door. Yeosang knocks.

“Not now,” Seonghwa’s voice comes through a few brief moments later.

Junyoung’s face shifts into a pout. “You don’t wanna see me?” He asks, voice trembling with the very real fear that his Hyung is somehow upset with him and Hongjoong runs a hand over the back of his hair. “Are you mad because we didn’t finish the movie? We can watch it again,” He says, shuffling closer and patting the door, “Right now, even.”

There’s a pause where Hongjoong’s gnawing at his lower lip, hoping the man holed in his room doesn’t hurt his little brother’s feelings. He’s not sure he’ll be able to console Junyoung who looks up to the man so much and asked to visit him so many times over the past three and a half weeks.

But, then the door swings open and Seonghwa stands there looking worse for wear. His cheeks are only the tiniest bit thinner, but after not seeing him for nearly a month it’s the first thing Hongjoong notices. His hair is a mess and the white t-shirt he has on is stained as well as backward. The only thing he’s wearing on his lower half is a pair of plaid boxers and Hongjoong decides to keep his eyes above the waist.

“I’m not mad, Junnie,” Seonghwa says, reaching down to lift the boy who automatically wraps his small arms around the man’s neck. Hongjoong goes up to them when he hears Junyoung sniffling into the man’s neck, resting a hand on his back. He can tell Seonghwa is looking at him from the corner of his eye, but he keeps his eyes trained on his brother.

“Tell him what you told me yesterday, Jun.”

Junyoung rubs a fist over his teary eyes and glares at his brother while Hongjoong only smiles. “Told Hyung that if we didn’t see you soon I wouldn’t be his friend anymore,” He says.

Seonghwa gasps, feigning surprise with a watery smile. “That’s not nice, bud,” He says softly, before pressing a kiss to the top of the boy’s head.

“Yeah, but,” Junyoung starts, fat tears rolling down his cheeks, “I missed you and Hyung wouldn’t take me over. I had to sit in the  _ stupid _ coffee shop all week for no reason. I just  _ missed  _ you.” He’s crying properly and Seonghwa is rubbing a hand down his back, walking him into the living room with Hongjoong and Yeosang right behind them.

“I’m sorry,” Hongjoong can hear Seonghwa say as they settle into the couch, “Next time, I’ll come find you okay?”

“Promise?” Comes Junyoung’s tiny voice.

“Promise,” Seonghwa says into his hair.

“Okay,” There’s a pause and then Junyoung pulls away, wiggling his nose, “Are you going to shower? Stinky.”

Seonghwa laughs and that’s how Yeosang knows he’ll be forgiven.

☕️

Monday through Friday Hongjoong comes to pick up Junyoung smelling like freshly roasted coffee beans that tickles Junyoung’s nose. He won’t even let Hongjoong near him until he showers.

He drags himself out of bed when the morning is still dark, careful not to jostle his brother too much who he always wakes up next to even if the child had fallen asleep in his own bed the night before. He sets the alarm on his phone for 5:00 AM so that he doesn’t take too long in the shower, but is always ready before it even goes off. He comes out freezing and dripping wet, a damp towel from the day before doing close to nothing to dry off his body. He leaves a roll of paper towels on the bathroom sink these days.

Before he leaves, apron stuffed into his backpack, he picks Junyoung up to carry him over to Seonghwa’s apartment. When they started this routine a month ago, he’d put the boy in the room across from Seonghwa’s. A week later Seonghwa had told him to just put the boy in bed with him seeing as Junyoung tended to wake him up by climbing into his bed an hour or two later anyway. Hongjoong didn’t mind, but he always left with tinted cheeks whenever the older man decided to sleep with his shirt off.

Hongjoong made sure to keep the weekends off so that he could still spend time with his brother. Most days during the week he opened. He knew that others must have been annoyed that he got hours tailored to what Junyoung needed when they all had rotating shifts, but no one had said anything to him directly yet. San has been extremely accommodating and the other baristas, especially Mingi, had been helping him learn along the way.

To his surprise, he liked his job at the coffee shop. It’s not at all what he had planned to do with his life and he still hoped to go back to school one day, but it was enjoyable until he saved enough money to at least be able to be the back balance on his rent after not being able to pay for two months.

It isn’t until he comes home from work, coffee scent clinging to him, and sees what little he had of his belongings outside his door. He tries to punch his code into the door and, unsurprisingly, it doesn’t work. He punches the code into Seonghwa’s apartment and finds the man sitting at the kitchen table looking apologetic.

“I’m sorry,” He starts and Hongjoong just shakes his head at him.

“What are you apologizing for, Hyung? Don’t be ridiculous, this has nothing to do with you. I’ve been avoiding the owner for a few weeks now,” He says, running a hand down his face before looking around. “Where’s Jun?”

Seonghwa gives him a tense smile. “You know he gets sleepy after he cries a lot.”

Hongjoong sighs, sinking further into his chair, wishing it would swallow him whole. “I’m a terrible fucking brother,” He says, staring at the ceiling.

“You’re doing your best, Hongjoong. That’s all anyone can ask of you right now,” Seonghwa murmurs.

“Really? I’m  _ homeless _ .”

“Hey,” Seonghwa doesn’t continue until Hongjoong is looking at him, “I told you I would help right? You can stay here.”

Hongjoong’s mouth falls open. “I can’t just live here!”

“Why not?” Seonghwa shrugs, “I have an extra room. I’ve been paying all my expenses alone anyways, so I don’t expect anything from you. Just stay here until you save enough money to get a new place.”

“I could be… Persuaded, but, Hyung, you have to let me pay for something,” Hongjoong argues. He knows enough now that he’s aware that Seonghwa does just want to help, even though he can’t pinpoint why. But, this one is too much. He can’t believe that living for free is something Hongjoong would ever agree to.

Seonghwa stares at him for a long moment and Hongjoong thinks he’s about to fight him on it until he says, “You can do all the grocery shopping from now on,” and it feels like a weight lifted off his shoulders. He could do that, absolutely.

“Thank you,” He breathes, smiling, and getting one back in exchange. He thinks everything might be okay.

☕️

Time passes as it usually does, waiting for no one. Seonghwa and Hongjoong learn to move around each other, and with each other when they need to.

They begin forming a routine that revolves around Hongjoong’s job, Seonghwa’s visits to the office, and Junyoung. Junyoung is at the center of everything, really. The weekdays are pretty much the same. Hongjoong opens up the shop most mornings. He slips out of bed to get ready, careful not to wake Junyoung. Before he leaves the apartment, he moves Junyoung to Seonghwa’s bed as he cries when he wakes up alone. When Seonghwa wakes up, the boy is usually already awake with the television on. Seonghwa will take some time to properly wake themselves up. Seonghwa will dress them both and walk down to the shop. He’ll hold Junyoung’s hand who has started talking more during their walks.

When the chime tinkles above them as they walk in, Hongjoong will greet them with a smile and have their breakfast and coffee ready for them. Junyoung will ask Hongjoong how long he has to stay and Hongjoong will kiss Junyoung on the cheek before they leave.

Junyoung and Seonghwa will sometimes go places; They’ll go to the park, or the zoo, or the aquarium, or a museum, or the library. Sometimes they stay home to color or play games or bake.

Other days, Seonghwa has no choice, but to let Junyoung sit in front of the tv while he writes.

They both hate those days the most.

Hongjoong will come home after his shift. Some days he brings dinner with him, other days he comes back empty-handed and either him or Seonghwa will cook. Junyoung will help, always stirring whatever it is they’ve decided to have that night.

It’s busy and tiring, but it works for them and Seonghwa wouldn’t change it for the world.

Time continues to pass and soon Chuseok is just around the corner. The three of them are sitting on the couch and Hongjoong is shaking the whole couch with the force of his leg that hasn’t stopped moving since they put Toy Story on. Junyoung is sitting between them, head resting against Seonghwa’s side with his legs thrown over Hongjoongs own.

“Hyung, stop shaking,” The boy whines, kicking at him.

Seonghwa tugs his hair lightly. “Don’t kick,” He scolds, trying to keep a straight face as Junyoung pouts, but keeps his eyes on the movie.

Hongjoong’s leg has stopped, but now he has his thumb in his mouth, chewing at the side of his nail.

When Junyoung’s sippy cup falls out of his lap and tumbles to the floor, Hongjoong picks him up and puts him in bed. Seonghwa starts on the dishes as Hongjoong walks back in.

“You’re not going to sleep?” Seonghwa asks, surprised. Hongjoong normally lays down when Junyoung does, nervous the boy will wake up and he won’t be there.

“I wanted to, uh, talk to you about something,” He says, looking at the toaster oven on the counter.

“Okay,” Seonghwa says plainly, turning away from the sink, “What’s up?”

“Well. Okay, so, uh,” Hongjoong seems to set some kind of resolve within himself before finally saying, “San wants me to go to this work party on Friday. It’s just everyone who works at the shops and probably Wooyoung, but they want to stay out late because it has to be after both stores have closed which means I can’t really bring Junyoung. Is it selfish of me to want to go? Like without him?” Hongjoong’s face pales immediately after saying it and he rushes out, “I can’t believe I just said that. You know what, forget it. You don’t need to watch him. I’ll just–”

“Hongjoong, stop for a second,” Seonghwa says, a fond smile on his face, and the other man’s mouth closes with a snap. “It’s not selfish of you. You deserve some time for yourself and I don’t mind watching him.”

“You watch him all the time, though. I feel like I’m taking advantage of you,” Hongjoong says, hands splayed in front of him.

“I’m fine,” Seonghwa says and he is. He doesn’t mind watching Junyoung because Hongjoong helps. There’s never been a moment when Hongjoong has expected Seonghwa to do anything for him and Seonghwa thinks it’s part of the reason he finds Hongjoong so endearing. He knows that Hongjoong feels guilty for leaving his little brother with Seonghwa and that’s what makes him feel okay about it even if he wishes the man would stop feeling so guilty about it. “I really don’t mind. There are nights I go out with Yeosang or one of the other boys and leave you two here. I’ll be fine. I told you I wanted to help and you need a night off. Go out, have some fun, drink a little,” He shrugs.

Hongjoong plays with corners of sleeves, long sweater falling over his hands. “Okay,” He mutters, teeth leaving marks on his lower lip as he bites at it, “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” Seonghwa says with a smile, turning back to the dishes, “Go to sleep, you have to be up early.”

“Thank you, Hyung,” He says, footsteps echoing down the hallway.

When Friday hits, he doesn’t expect Junyoung to put up such a fight about Hongjoong going out. He had already worked a full morning and come home around 3 in the afternoon. Junyoung’s hooded eyes had watched him from where he was coloring at the kitchen table, not asking any questions about why Hongjoong was changing into a new outfit instead of pajamas or why he was putting more make-up on instead of taking a shower.

He waits until Hongjoong’s already lacing up his boots to say anything.

“Where are you going?” He asks, keeping his eyes firmly on the circle he’s tracing over and over with a black crayon.

“Um, just out with people from work, Jun. You can sleep in Seonghwa’s bed tonight,” He says, standing to ruffle his hair with a smile, but the boy dodges it, leaning too far out of his seat for the action to have been an accident. Hongjoong looks stricken, glancing at Seonghwa who’s watching it play out from the couch.

“Don’t want to. Want to sleep with you,” He says.

“Jun–”

“Are you even coming back? You’re not just going to leave me here with him forever?” Junyoung accuses, finally looking at him with hard eyes. At any other time, Hongjoong might have laughed at the stern look on the young boy’s face, but he doesn’t think it would be appropriate at the moment.

“Of course I’m coming back,” Hongjoong gasps, crouching next to him, “I’m not going to leave you alone.”

“You keep leaving,” Junyoung says, voice rising, “You’re always  _ gone _ . You’re never here when I need you and now you’re leaving again!”

“Jun, you know I have to-”

“You don’t have to, you want to. You hate taking care of me, you want to be at work,” He bites, hoisting himself out of his chair, “I hope you don’t come home.”

Hongjoong’s face crumbles as Junyoung walks away and slams the door to their room. After a moment, he feels a large hand on his back. He didn’t know he was crying until Seonghwa leaning in to wipe at his cheeks.

“You’re going to mess up your make up,” He whispers, lifting him like a toddler from his armpits from where he’s still crouched next to the chair.

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t go now,” Hongjoong says, pressings his fists into his eyes with hunched shoulders. How could he have been so stupid? Of course Junyoung needed him there. He couldn’t leave him now, or ever.

“No, Joong, you’re still going to go,” Seonghwa says, nickname tasting sweet on his tongue and hand reaching out to fix the man’s bangs. He cups his face when he starts shaking his head, more tears falling. “Hey, look at me,” He says, ducking a little to try to catch his eyes.

“I can’t leave him,” Hongjoong says, looking up at Seonghwa. Standing this close makes Seonghwa keenly aware of their height difference.

“It’s not like you’re abandoning him. You have to take care of yourself too. You have to take time for yourself and hang out with friends,” He wipes at the last tear that’s made its way down Hongjoong’s cheeks, face still resting in his hands.

Hongjoong lets out a long sigh and his eyelids flutter shut, head tilting to rub his cheek just barely into Seonghwa’s palm. His heart stutters in his chest, jostling his ribs, when the man opens his eyes again.

“Okay,” Hongjoong whispers. “Okay, I’ll go, but please talk to him.”

“Of course,” Seonghwa says, just as soft, “I would have done that even if you hadn’t asked.”

“Okay,” He whispers again before taking a step back and tugging at the hem of his shirt, his face morphing into one of determination. “Okay,” He repeats, louder with his back straight. Seonghwa walks him over to the door. Hongjoong’s shoulders have hunched in again as he’s walking out.

“It’ll be fine. Try not to worry,” Seonghwa says with a smile. Hongjoong just nods and sends a wave as he steps onto the elevator.

The smile slips off his face as he shuts the door. He turns to stare down the hallway that Junyoung had stomped his way down. There’s something in his gut that rotates when he thinks about the state that the boy might be in, but when he pushes the door open slowly and peaks his head into the room the two boys ausually share Junyoung is laying on the bed facing away from the door seemingly trying to tune out the world around him. As Seonghwa creeps forward he can hear the muffled cries coming from him and sees his tiny shoulders shake. He sits next to curled up form on the bed and rubs a hand over his back.

“I know you didn’t mean it,” Seonghwa says, softly, willing away the tears that are already forming, “You love your brother. You’d be so sad if he really didn’t come home.” His words only succeed in making him cry harder, sounds not so muffled anymore as he hiccups on a sob. Seonghwa rolls him over gently, the small boy to disoriented to put up a fight.

“You’re going to make yourself sick,” He says, sitting the boy up and rubbing a hand over his back, “You have to breathe, buddy.”

The past few weeks have been so good for them all that seeing Junyoung like this again is difficult for Seonghwa to see. Hongjoong’s been working and taking care of himself. Junyoung has been opening up more and more and acting like a child instead of not wanting to say a word to the people around him. Even Seonghwa has been better about not letting himself go days without writing and then making up for it in the span of one week. He tries to write throughout each day and always gets some done when Hongjoong comes home. The three of them together has been better than Seonghwa could have ever imagined. That’s not to say he imagined it a lot, of course not.

He knows that Junyoung is used to the man always being next to him, but it’s not realistic and this moment was going to have to come at some point. Whether it be now or in a year when Junyoung starts school. Anything could have triggered this, but it happening when Hongjoong was trying to take some time for himself for the first time didn’t help. He couldn’t blame Junyoung for that, though.

Junyoung struggles for a few more minutes and Seonghwa is beside him the whole time, whispering reassurances to him that neither he nor his brother are upset with the boy. As time passes, his breathing evens out more and Junyoung crawls into Seonghwa’s lap, laying his head on his shoulder and sniffling quietly.

“Hyung’s gonna come back, right?” Junyoung asks.

“Of course he is. He loves you, he would never leave you behind,” Seonghwa says.

“I know,” The boy whispers.

“Why did you say that then?”

“I just,” He frowns, “I miss him when he’s at work and he’s gone all the time. D-Dad used to work lots too.”

“Jun,” Seonghwa starts, pressing a kiss to the side of his head, “Hongjoong comes home every single night. And he works to be able to take care of you. Buy you food and clothes and toys. He doesn’t want to leave you here, but he has to. And, he doesn’t get a break so he’s going out with Sannie and others and he’ll be here when you wake up because he has the day off.”

“I’m sorry,” He whispers.

“It’s not me who needs to hear that. Tell Hongjoong tomorrow, okay?” Seonghwa says and Junyoung nods.

They spend the rest of the night watching movies and eating popcorn. Junyoung falls asleep on the couch just before Mulan ends around eight at night. Seonghwa brings him to his room and brushes his overgrown hair out of his face before going back out to the living room to wait for Hongjoong, but ends up falling asleep himself.

He wakes to the sound of the keypad on his door rejecting whatever numbers are being entered. Once. Twice. A third time and Seonghwa goes to open the door himself.

Hongjoong stands there with damp hair flattened to his forehead, a wet patch on his knee, and his shirt buttons out of line. To top it off, he reeked of soju.

“Hyungie!” He shouts with a toothy grin when he looks up to see Seonghwa, whose mouth hanging open.

“I told you to have a drink, not get wasted,” He says, eyes wide.

“‘M not wasted, Hyung. I feel  _ sooo _ good,” He says, pushing on Seonghwa's shoulder to shove him out of the way and stumbling into the room.

“H-Hold on, Joong,” He stutters, shutting the door and leading the man to the couch so he can pull off his boots. “Did you walk here?” He questions.

“No, silly,” Hongjoong says, kicking his left shoe off with his toes after Seonghwa removed one shoe, “Jongho dropped me off. Sannie said it could be his initiation,” He laughs. Seonghwa doesn’t think he’s ever heard Hongjoong laugh. He leaves the room to grab a water bottle for the younger man, but when he turns around he’s watching him from the archway.

He mumbles something Seonghwa can’t decipher.

“What?” He asks, stepping forward to hand over the water.

“I said why are you so hot?” Seonghwa chokes on his tongue. “Are you doing it on purpose?”

“Doing what?” Seonghwa squeaks.

Hongjoong shrugs, fighting with the bottle cap. “Being you. Kind and understanding and so good with Junyoung and just unbearably attractive. You have to know,” He slurs, gulping down the cold water and burping when he’s finished. “Oops,” He laughs again.

Seonghwa has got to get him into bed.

“You have got to go to bed,” He murmurs aloud.

“Yes, please take me to your bed,” Hongjoong says, nearly moaning and Seonghwa holds his hands out.

“That is not what I meant at all! Your bed,” He explains, voice loud and panicked, trying to grab his shoulder to turn him, but Hongjoong catches his hand instead to intertwine their fingers.

“You don’t want me?” He pouts and Seonghwa’s brain short-circuits.

What is going on?

“Th-that’s not what I said,” He manages, face impossibly hot, “You’re drunk. You need to sleep this off.”

“I might be drunk, but that doesn’t mean I’m not serious,” He says and Seonghwa groans.

“Can we not do this right now?” He says, wiping a hand down his face, “C’mon, I’ll bring you to your room.” He wraps an arm around the shorter boy’s waist, bringing his arm around the back of his neck so he can support most of his weight. Hongjoong is mumbling things he can’t hear as Seonghwa drags him down to his room. Once he pushes the door open with his foot, he tries to lead him over to the bed, but Hongjoong turns to face Seonghwa and brings his other arm up around his neck.

His breath stops short, he doesn’t think he’s ever been this close to Hongjoong before. His eyes are a little bloodshot and his irises are so dark that Seonghwa wants to be swallowed in them.

“You know, right?” Hongjoong breathes and the smell of alcohol curls around him, but there’s something else there too. Something sweet underneath.

It takes him a moment to respond to the question and the shorter man takes the silence as an answer in his intoxicated stated. “You really don’t know?”

“Know what?” Seonghwa replies instead, Hongjoong’s eyes seeming to pull him forward.

“That I’m in love with you,” He whispers and Seonghwa wasn’t sure what he had expected, but it wasn’t that.

“You–,” He started, but is cut off by a press of lips to the corner of his mouth. His spine tenses when it happens, but it only lasts a moment before Hongjoong is pulling away with a frown.

“I guess I am drunk,” He says, eyes shutting while he’s still on his feet, “I didn’t even aim correctly.”

“Yeah, you are drunk,” Seonghwa says, eyes wide and his brain frozen. His legs seem to be too as Hongjoong stumbles into bed with his jeans and button-down shirt still on, Seonghwa still at the door.

“Can you shut the lights off?” Hongjoong says, pulling the covers over his head. At his voice, Seonghwa’s brain reboots. The lights are off and he’s out the door in record time.

He shuffles into the living room only to throw himself on to the couch. If there weren’t two people in his home trying to sleep he would have screamed into a pillow.

Hongjoong was in love with him. It’s something his brain was having a hard time processing, and it’s not because he doesn’t reciprocate. He loves Hongjoong, but he spent so long suppressing it. It’s been months since they first met and they’ve been through ups and downs along the way. He tried to deny it when he first noticed the feeling. He didn’t  _ want _ to get attached to the boy.

Seonghwa had no problem admitting he was attached to Junyoung, but he was a child. It was easy to tell himself that saw the boy as a younger brother and not that he wanted to help raise him. For a short period, he convinced himself that all he felt for both the boys was brotherly love. But, then he started to notice the small things about Hongjoong in ways he didn’t with his friends.

When they were still living next door, he started listening for when Hongjoong came home and what time it was. He listened for Junyoung through his walls. If he wasn’t in the middle of a writing frenzy, he was attuned to every noise that came for the apartment next to his, but it shifted when they moved in. He was able to look after them in much closer proximity and Hongjoong opened up to him so much more.

There was so much he learned about Hongjoong and so much he wants to learn. He learned that Hongjoong is a vegetarian and is trying to go vegan, but finds it difficult now that he’s raising Junyoung who eats anything and everything. He learned that Hongjoong was studying to be a music producer before his parents passed away and he desperately wants to buy a laptop to continue practicing on his own. He learns that he had to sell his old one, the one his dad bought him for his eighteenth birthday. He learns that Junyoung called Hongjoong “Dad” a few months after the fire and Hongjoong yelled at him and he still regrets it.

Seonghwa learned that Hongjoong takes his coffee and tea black, loves strawberries, has read every single Stephen King book, hates wearing socks, prefers summer to winter but would rather visit the mountains than the beach, and he cries every single time they watch Lilo and Stitch. He’s learned so much and when he admitted to himself, a week after they moved in with him, that he was undoubtedly falling for Hongjoong he also told himself he would never tell him.

There wasn’t a force in the world that could make him believe that Hongjoong ever felt the same way about him. It wasn’t a thought that he ever entertained until fifteen minutes ago. The man had just lost both of his parents and was now responsible for raising a five-year-old. Seonghwa didn’t understand how the man had even had time to come to the conclusion that he was in  _ love _ .

Seonghwa is tugging at the ends of hair when there’s a tiny pat on his leg that makes him jump.

Junyoung is looking up at him with wide, teary eyes. Seonghwa looks at the clock that reads 1:26 AM.

“Sorry, buddy,” Seonghwa whispers, lifting the boy into his arms as he stands, “Didn’t mean to let you wake up alone.”

“S’okay,” The boy says into his shoulder, “Hyung home?” He asks and Seonghwa nods. Junyoung lets out a relieved breath, snuggling farther into Seonghwa’s shoulder.

He lays down with Junyoung on top of him and lets sleep take over.

☕️

The next morning Seonghwa wakes up to an empty bed, which rarely ever happens. It’s normal for Seonghwa to wake up and Jun be sitting next to him with his television on. 

When he reaches out there’s a small spot of warmth next to him. He sits up to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. His phone lets him know it’s still early and there’s a text from Yunho that says “rise and grind” with an emoji sticking its tongue out. Seonghwa snorts.

The first thing he notices when he enters the living room is that Hongjoong laying on the couch with a washcloth on his forehead. The second thing he notices is Junyoung curled up on his chest, playing with his brother’s fingers. They both look up, but Hongjoong is quick to turn his head away.

Junyoung frowns at him. “Are you going to be sick again? Your face is red,” He says and Seonghwa chuckles.

“I’m fine,” He hears Hongjoong mutter, but lifts a pouting Junyoung off his lap so he can get up himself, “I’m going to make breakfast,” Is all he says before pulling the face cloth off his head and walking by Seonghwa without a glance his way. Seonghwa decides not to push it for now and goes to sit next to Junyoung.

“Hyung threw up this morning,” Junyoung whispers to him, being a lot less quiet than his five-year-old brain thinks he’s being.

Seonghwa hums, digging a finger into the boy’s side who giggles, but shoots him a glare after. “Did you apologize?” He asks seriously.

Junyoung nods. “I told him I didn’t mean it and that I get to play with you all day so he should get to play without me sometimes too,” He says.

Seonghwa reaches out to tickle his side again with a smile. “I’m proud of you,” He says and Junyoung lifts his head to beam at him.

The small boy does something Seonghwa doesn’t expect and reaches out to dig one of his tiny fingers into his side. His heart warms and he wiggles his fingers at him. “Don’t start something you can’t finish,” He says with a smile and Junyoung jumps off the couch to run to the other side of the room with a screech.

Seonghwa gets up to chase after him, Junyoung’s short legs not taking him far before Seonghwa is scooping him into his arms and blowing a raspberry into the boy’s stomach.

It’s the first real laugh he’s heard out of Junyoung and he hears a gasp from next to them. Seonghwa smiles at the boy in his arms, who is still chucking, before turning to see Hongjoong. He paces down the hallway after being spotted and Seonghwa’s smile falls.

He looks at Junyoung who is still smiling at him and he feels the corners of his lips twitch. He puts the boy down, turning the tv on.

“I’ll be right back, buddy,” He says before jogging down the hallway. Only Seonghwa’s bedroom door is shut so he knocks before opening it.

Hongjoong is standing a few steps into the room, face red and rubbing at his eyes. “Sorry, sorry,” He mumbles.

“No, don’t be,” Seonghwa says, softly. His feet seem to want to back out of the room, but Seonghwa can’t. He can’t leave him like this. “Are you okay?” He asks and Hongjoong lets out a wet laugh.

“Okay?” He questions. “Hyung, Junyoung just properly laughed for the first time in over  _ eight months _ . I don’t think happy is the right word.”

A weight lifts off of him at the words and he sighs. “I thought you were upset,” He says, pulling the shorter man into a hug.

“Not at all,” He responds, wrapping his arms around Seonghwa’s waist in turn.

“We should talk about last night,” Hongjoong says into his shoulder and Seonghwa’s eyebrows raise.

“I’m surprised you remember with how much you drank,” He says with a smile.

“I thought about pretending,” He says sheepishly, “But that would be cowardly of me.”

“It would, but I would have understood,” He pauses before continuing, “Can I talk first?”

Hongjoong nods and shifts his weight like he’s  _ bracing _ for something.

“I love you too,” Seonghwa says in a whisper, before speaking again, louder this time, “I love you. I know you… Aren’t in a position to be dating anyone or looking at anyone romantically and I don’t know if you meant your actions or what you said, but I think I might have had a tiny crush since that first time I saw you in the hallway. We had a rocky start, but I’d like it if you considered me as a, uh, romantic partner?” His sentence ends in a question and it sounds apprehensive, even to his ears, but it’s not that he’s unsure of himself. He’s unsure of Hongjoong. The younger man might have kissed him, but he was drunk so there was always the possibility that maybe he didn’t mean it.

Hongjoong is… Staring at him. There are no signs of shock on his face and it makes Seonghwa tilt his head.

“Are you not surprised?” He asks.

That makes Hongjoong break into a smile. “Did you think you were being subtle these last few weeks?” He offers and Seonghwa’s heart drops. He knew the whole time. “You are the most selfless person I’ve ever met, Seonghwa. You took care of Junyoung and me when you didn’t have to and you helped me get a job and you’ve managed to make Junyoung laugh for the first time in eight months. I have so much to thank you for,” Hongjoong says and something inside Seonghwa twists unpleasantly.

“I don’t want you to date me because you feel  _ obligated _ to repay me or something, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa says, lips curling in distaste at his own words.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Hongjoong says, running a shaking hand through his hair, “I’m saying, against all that, I didn’t really stand a chance, did I? I have this gorgeous man coming to my rescue time after time. How am I supposed to resist falling in love with him?” He says the last line in a whisper, but it’s the one Seonghwa heard the loudest.

“You’re really in love with me?” Seonghwa breathes.

Hongjoong nods his head again, eyes filling with tears again.

Seonghwa reaches out carefully, one hand settling on the side of the other man’s neck and the other hand taking place on his cheek. He runs a gentle thumb over his cheek and his heart kicks when Hongjoong leans into his hand, eyes fluttering shut briefly before looking back at him when half-lidded eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” Seonghwa asks, moving forward enough that their feet slot together and their chests touch.

“Please,” Hongjoong answers in a whisper, eyes flicking between Seonghwa’s own and his lips.

He leans in, brushing his lips feather-light over the younger man’s. It’s Hongjoong who presses in, his lower lip catching on Seonghwa’s upper one when he pulls away, just barely, only to move forward again. Both of Seonghwa's hands shift to cup Hongjoong’s face that’s tilted up to meet his own. The younger male’s hands settle just above his elbows as an anchor. His lips taste like honey tea and  _ hope _ .

Seonghwa can’t get enough.

He nips at Hongjoong’s lower lip, drawing out a barely-there whine from the back of the boy’s throat. The sound makes Seonghwa’s stomach coil in a way it hasn’t for a very long time. He pulls away and chuckles when Hongjoong’s lips chase his own.

“What?” Hongjoong pouts and Seonghwa can’t  _ not  _ press another innocent kiss to his pretty lips.

“Junyoung’s going to come looking for us any second,” He says when he pulls away.

“Let him,” Hongjoong says, pressing into Seonghwa’s space only to wrap his arms around his waist and resting his head on the man’s shoulder. Seonghwa takes a deep breath before wrapping his own arms around the other and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“This isn’t something I ever imagined to have,” Seonghwa confesses after a moment of just them being wrapped in each other, “You in my arms is all I’ve wanted for a while.”

“I know,” Hongjoong whispers back, “Thank you for giving me a family again. I still miss them. I think I always will. But you were right when you said it was easier with support. Everyone’s been so accepting of us and I have you to thank for it.”

Seonghwa shakes his head. “No, you don’t have to thank me. I know you would have done just as well without me.”

Hongjoong pulls his head away from his chest, but keeps his arms locked around the taller man. He brushes his lips against Seonghwa's own and it sends a chill down his spine.

“Don’t want to be without you,” Hongjoong says against his mouth.

“You won’t be.”

“Promise?”

“Of course I promise,” Seonghwa says. He’s sure that if there’s anything he could do for Hongjoong to make his life easier he would do it without a second thought.

There’s a pattering of feet that gets louder as they make their way up the hallway until they stop outside Seonghwa’s bedroom door. He turns to see a shadow of two tiny feet under the door.

“Hello,” Comes a loud whisper, “Are you playing without me?”

Seonghwa and Hongjoong both struggle to hold in their laughter when the door clicks open and Junyoung peaks his head inside. He smiles when he sees them.

His older brother releases Seonghwa to open his arms and Junyoung doesn’t hesitate to run to them. Hongjoong lifts him and the boy throws an arm around each of their necks. Seonghwa kisses the boy’s chubby little cheek.

“Ewww,” He whines, rubbing at it with a tiny fist.

Seonghwa presses kisses over the boy's cheeks, nose, and forehead until he’s giggling, loud and happy.

Hongjoong thinks every moment until this point was worth it, and nothing of what’s to come.


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so .. i'm sorry this is coming, not only late, but also very short and very rushed. i don’t know if i’m doing the right thing by making this the official ending and maybe one day i’ll come back to this and add a part two but for now, we are finishing off. the last chapter was just going to be something a little too angsty for them i think but it’s also something that could happen in the future when junyoung is older as well so… we’ll see. i’m sorry if any of you are disappointed.
> 
> i hope you all understand and are able to still look forward to my next work.

Much to their surprise, after that day, not much changes for them.

Their routine stays the same, Hongjoong continues to work and Junyoung continues to stay home with Seonghwa. In preparation for Junyoung starting school in the coming year, Seonghwa has taken to teaching instead of both of them goofing off. They still play, walk to the park, color at home, watch movies, but now they spend at least three hours each day doing workbooks too.

They sit at the kitchen table together, Seonghwa settled next to him with his laptop and Junyoung leaning over the counter with his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth. He can read bigger books now, something he could only do in moderation before. They’re not chaptered books, but they’re not books about how to use the toilet anymore or what kinds of vehicles there are. Instead of Hongjoong reading to him before he sleeps, the three of them cram into Seonghwa’s bed and Junyoung reads to them. They both help if the words get too big for him and he claims he knows every time the do it for him.

It’s Seonghwa’s favorite part of the day.

Hongjoong has started going to therapy on his day off. Every other week he takes Junyoung with him where he gets to color and play games while they talk. Hongjoong didn’t knew some of what Junyoung went through in the house, but not all of it. More often than not they both come home with puffy eyes and red noses. Seonghwa always makes sure to put on a movie for them and make them hot chocolate, even if Junyoung is hard to put to bed after all the sugar.

Junyoung starts sleeping through the night in his own bed after a six months of them living together.

A month after that, Hongjoong moves his clothes into Seonghwa’s room.

They don’t get much time alone and most nights they’re both exhausted and have only been intimate a hand full of times. Neither of them mind, content to share languid kisses and fleeting touches. What matters most is that they're together.

Yunho comes over for dinner one night and Seonghwa takes Junyoung to get ice cream so that him and Hongjoong can talk after they all eat their meal in silence. He texts them booth when they’re on their way back and is nervous when neither of them responds. When they walk in, he finds that Yunho has dug his baby pictures out of the shoebox he had buried in his closet and they’re both giggling while hovering over them.

He regrets letting them become friends from that day forward.

San’s duo Coffee and Flower shop ends up gaining traction on social media. Not only for the amazing coffee and beautiful flowers, but also the exceptionally pretty employees. They get featured on a food networking program and the business booms. They hire more employees and Hongjoong gets a raise.

Enough of one that he starts taking online university courses.

And, Seonghwa. Seonghwa is in love. Seeing Hongjoong get promoted at work, go back to school, smile and laugh with his brother warms his heart like nothing he’s ever experienced. Sometimes he sits on the couch to just watch Hongjoong laughing with Junyoung on the floor and lets a rainbow bloom in his chest until Junyoung inevitably drags him down to the floor with them.

It’s a few short months until Junyoung’s sixth birthday and he tells them he wants to have a party. Seonghwa thinks nothing of it, but Hongjoong is surprised.

“Even _before_ he never liked crowds. He screamed his way through his entire second birthday and we never had one for him after that. People just sent cards to the house and the four of us would go out for dinner,” He explains from the cocoon of Seonghwa’s arms once they’re in bed that night.

He shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know, babe. We can ask who he wants to invite. He probably just wants to invite a few kids we’ve met at the park or something.”

They ask Junyoung who he wants to invite and he runs into his room to come back with a list of names written in shakey hangul with what seems to be a dark purple crayon.

  1. Junnie!
  2. Hongjoong Hyung
  3. Seonghwa Hyung
  4. Yeosang Hyung
  5. Sannie Hyung
  6. Wooyoung Hyung
  7. Mingi Hyung
  8. Yunho Hyung
  9. Jongho Hyung, but only if he brings his karaoke machine



“You don’t want to invite any of the kids from downstairs?” Seonghwa asks, looking over Junyoung who's resumed drawing at the table.

He scrunches his nose in distaste. “No, I just want my family there. That’s it.”

The paper crinkles between Hongjoong’s fingers where he’s gripping it. “Buddy, mom and dad can’t come… You know that,” He says, softly.

Junyoung finally looks up at them. “That’s not— The people on the paper... That’s my family too, Hyung, right?” He asks, looking from Hongjoong to Seonghwa and then back to his brother. He’s not sure who the question is directed towards, but Hongjoong is nodding his head. Seonghwa can see the tears spilling over as he reaches out for his brother who looks taken aback, but reaches for him as well.

“Of course,” Hongjoong is murmuring into the boy’s hair once he’s in his arms, “Of course they’re your family, baby. We all love you so much. I’ll make sure to tell them to come.”

Junyoung’s eyes are misty as well when he looks over at Seonghwa. He smiles at the child and Junyoung reaches an arm out to him. He walks over to wrap an arm around Hongjoong’s waist and presses a kiss to Junyoung’s cheek.

Looking over these two boys who’ve come to give him so much purpose in his life, he can’t help but to be thankful for them for teaching him so much and letting him into their life.

He tells Hongjoong as much, a few weeks later, and the younger man chuckles at him.

“You didn’t really give us much choice,” He says with a fond smile, “You just… Kept coming back even when I did my best to keep you at arm's length."

Seonghwa doesn't give him a response, simply hugging the shorter man and pressing a smile to his hair.

"I love you," He hears Hongjoong say and his grin only widens.

"I love you most."

"Promise?" Hongjoong asks. Seonghwa can here the smile in his voice.

"I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for a failure of an ending  
> ><

**Author's Note:**

> this story is just me projecting some things going on in my life, so try to be nice and don't berate me if you think personalities are off, please.
> 
> kudos, bookmarks, questions, and comments are all welcome, as always.  
> if you're reading this, thank you.
> 
> here's my a [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/parkseonqhwa) in case anyone wants to yell at me over there or ask questions or pitch ideas for future fics because there will definitely be more!


End file.
